


On The Dark Side of The Looking Glass

by crazybooklover20



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Headcanon, Language, Mirror Universe, No beta we die like H.R, Romance, West-Allen Family (The Flash TV 2014) Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:41:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 39,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26992321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazybooklover20/pseuds/crazybooklover20
Summary: Savitar wakes up in the mirror-verse, tied up and his memory wiped. Stuck in this odd dimension with two women he's never met, Savitar struggles to make sense of what the hell happened to him. He'll do anything to escape that is, unless he's given a reason to stay.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Iris West, Savitar/Iris West
Comments: 30
Kudos: 54





	1. An Unforeseen Change

**Author's Note:**

> Hello reader, 
> 
> In a true Barry-like fashion, I've decided to mess with the timeline a bit! The story will pick up on Season 3 episode 21 "cause and effect". For simplicity's sake, the main Iris is mirror clone Iris but I will not repeatedly call her "mirror iris". The distinction between the two will be made apparent when need be. Anyway, thanks for stopping by and I hope you enjoy!

* * *

The ripples of torn skin mirrored the spidery cracks in broken glass. Savitar touched his index finger to his healed lacerations, a constant reminder that he wasn’t an original man. Rather, a copy, a duplicate. He trailed his finger from the tip of his outer eye to his jaw. Fury burned bright in the incongruous eyes that stared back at him. In a swift action, between the duration of two nanoseconds, Savitar pulled his hand back and rammed his fist into the mirror. The glass shattered loudly and he looked down at the back of his hand, now bloody and torn. A reflection of the man he was.

“That’s the third mirror,” he heard a voice say.

“It won’t be the last,” Savitar replied flippantly, turning around.

A few feet away, standing in the door jamb was his trusty right hand man—or, woman. She was a necessary evil but only for the time-being. Soon, he’d see his plan to fruition and dispose of this frosty nuisance.

“I’m not going to keep stealing mirrors if you’re only going to break them,” she said icily.

Savitar’s eyes met hers, narrowed to slits with caution. “You’ll do as I say, when I say.” He needed only to lift his vibrating hand to deliver his message.

Killer frost's head jutted back, her ashen face frozen in shock. He didn’t threaten to kill her often, only enough for her to be terrified of the prospect. He decided a while ago that when he would eventually kill her, he’d do it quickly as a thank you of sorts. She wouldn’t feel an inch of pain, only a loss of consciousness. A mercy he didn’t plan on extending to his current intended target.

“My ascendancy is within my grasp. Have you readied yourself?” Savitar asked.  
He walked over to his suit, his greatest creation and ran his hand over the cool metal. His suit unlatched, glowing blue with electricity.

“Yes, the pawns are all in place.”

He smirked. At the very least, she was useful.

“Good. Leave me.”

Killer Frost gave him a curt nod, turned on her heel and walked out of the room. Savitar looked around, a sense of satisfaction settled in his chest, knowing that in a few short hours, he’d get everything he’d ever desired. No longer would he live in the shadow of the original copy. He could roam around unencumbered, as his own man. As his own creator.  
He kneeled into his suit, ready to test out the modifications he’d made.

When he pulled to his feet, he felt a pang in his head. Memories flooded his brain; the team in Star Labs discussing his identity, Cisco explaining his existence in the cortex and a moment shared between the Bartholomew and Iris in the speed lab. His chest constricted painfully as he watched her through someone else’s eyes. She felt so real, as if he was sitting next to her, staring into those brown doe eyes. He felt the need to reach out and touch her, feel her warm skin against his. But the bounds of a memory restricted him. Again, he knew that if he could not have her, no one else could.  
Another memory flooded his mind, the team discussing a new tactic to defeat him in the med bay. An unforeseen change. 

“Savitar knows everything we’re gonna do because he remembers doing it. He’s a future Barry. So, what if Barry can’t remember what we’re doing now?” Said Cisco.

Savitar’s heart thumped loudly against his chest as the realization of what they were doing dawned on him.  
He was too late. The memories always came delayed, he was witnessing the past. By the time he’d run over to Star labs, Cisco's procedure would have already happened.

A sudden jolt of electricity ran through him as if he’d stuck his finger into an outlet. It knocked him off his feet. Swirls of memories that didn’t belong to him clouded his mind, like watching a movie on 5X speed. As soon as he’d catch one, focusing on the image, it would disappear.

Savitar groaned as he tried to get up, only managing to climb onto his knees.  
The memory reel stopped, it was over. But Savitar didn’t feel any better. He tried to think of how he felt but he couldn’t come up with an explanation. He remained there for indefinite amount of time, trying to gather himself.

“What’s the saying? Man plans and God laughs? Well, men are planning. And what’s the God of speed doing? Kneeling.”  
He didn’t recognize the woman’s voice but it sounded somewhat familiar. Maybe they’d just met?

“Brooding time’s over. You revealed yourself, now what? Any idea what to do with Flash and friends? Because we are getting pretty close to your big becoming, and if we don’t take them down, neither one of us gets what we want.”

None of the words she was saying made sense to him. What was flash and friends? What big becoming? And what did they both want?

“Hello, anybody home.” she knocked on the suit.

Tendrils of frustration squeezed him, sending shockwaves of anger coursing throughout his body. He stood, grabbing the woman by the leather material covering her chest and slammed her against the nearest wall. She gasped, her silver eyes wide with alarm as his armoured hand wrapped snuggly around her throat.

“What are you doing?” She choked.

“Who are you?” He asked. He noted his voice sounded strange, like it didn’t belong to him.

She wheezed as he tightened his grip.“What’s wrong with you?”

He brought his face within inches of hers and she went rigid in his grasp.

“Who…am…I?”

She looked at him in confusion but he was holding her too tightly for her to speak. She’d stopped resisting, her pale face turning blue. He realized he would get no answers if strangled her to death.

He let up and she inhaled sharply.

“Savitar! You’re…Savitar.”

That didn’t make sense. He didn’t feel like Savitar. Was that her nickname for him?

“Do not lie to me!”

She shook her head, both her hands scratching at his armour in a hopeless attempt to be freed.

“I’m not! I swear! You’re Savitar or…”

He was short on patience and wanted to snap her neck and be done with this charade. “Or?”

“Barry!” She cried, shutting her eyes.

The name meant nothing to him. That couldn't be. How could he not remember his _own_ name?

“Please!”

With a measly flick of his wrist, he tossed her to the ground like trash. Her body crashed into a table and then fell limply to the floor. He looked around himself. They were in what appeared to be an abandoned warehouse, filled with cob webs, crates covered in dust and bright florescent lights.

To his left, a window that had been boarded up and next to it, a large mirror. He caught his reflection, a man dressed head to toe in dark metal amour. Slowly, he approached the mirror, making sure the reflection moved as he did. When he was close enough, he reached out and touched the surface of the glass.

It was him. The stranger was him.

The glass rippled like waves from an ocean he no recollection of and then the image changed. He was no longer looking at himself but the picture of a woman. She smiled kindly at him, tilting her head to a side. To his immense irritation, he didn’t recognize her. But she knew him, that he was sure of. She reached out her hand, palm up, beckoning him. Maybe she could provide the missing answers to all his questions. He pressed his hand to the glass once more and felt a great pressure shoot up his arm. The mirror was drawing him in but he felt no reason to resist. With enough force to pop his arm out of its socket, he was yanked through the mirror and into darkness.


	2. A Myriad of Mistakes

* * *

“This was…unexpected.”

Savitar cracked an eye open, releasing a low, gargled groan. He sluggishly blinked his eyes into focus and groaned again. His head throbbed as if there was an elastic band pulled taught and released repeatedly, snapping like a whip to his brain.

“How was I to know there would be more than one of you!”

From where he was, Savitar could not see who was speaking. His head lolled to a side as he looked around. He laid on the floor of a very classy, very expensive personal office. As he shifted, he noticed his hands and feet were bound with silver duct tape. Fear trickled down his spine, leaving goosebumps in its wake at the realization that he’d been kidnapped. Despite the pounding in his head, he moved around erratically in an attempt to sit up. He glanced around the room as he did so.

Floor to ceiling windows covered one of the walls but Savitar couldn’t see anything outside. Only darkness. He deduced that offices such as this were usually reserved for the upper floors of skyrise buildings, meaning escaping from the window would lead to certain death.

From his vantage point, Savitar could make out four doors that lined the white marble walls and he’d have to figure which one would lead him to the hallway through which he could escape. 

“I’ll have to make do.”

Savitar turned his head to the right. A woman paced behind a large desk. Her honey brown hair fell in waves over her narrow shoulders. Her face; comprised of high cheekbones, wide set eyes, a straight nose and full lips was pleasant despite being scrunched up in frustration. Her steps slowed as she turned towards him.

“I’m glad you’re awake. I have a few questions for you.”

She walked over, her black heels clacking loudly against the dark hardwood floor. Her teal blouse and ornate russet slacks creased as she bent down in front of Savitar. She folded her hands neatly over her knees and plastered a smile on her lips.

“Tell me, why are there two of you?”

Savitar stared blankly at the woman.

Was this the person who’d kidnapped him? She couldn’t have weighed more than a hundred pounds soaking wet but somehow, she’d managed to knock him out and tie him up without moving a single strand of hair out of place. 

He couldn’t be sure that she intended to harm him if he didn’t comply, but he wasn’t so foolish as to underestimate her.

“Well?”

His chapped lips parted. When was the last time he’d drank anything? How long had she kept him here?

“Who are you?” He asked, his voice raw from disuse. 

Her lips spread further. “I’ll be asking the questions.”

A bout of irritation wormed its way up his throat. He didn’t have time to participate in this faux interrogation. His time was valuable and not to be wasted.

“Release me,” Savitar commanded through gritted teeth.

She quirked a meticulously plucked eyebrow. “Are you sure you’re in a position to be making demands?” 

Savitar looked away from the woman, his eyes trailing the room in search for anything that he could use as a weapon. There was an electric fireplace on the opposite wall, but it wouldn’t have any pokers. He saw a few decretive vases around the room, the nearest one a few feet from him. He could break it and use the shard to—

The woman grabbed him by the chin. “You listen to me. I have been stuck here for three, long years. I have tried to escape 661 times! My husband has pronounced me dead and stopped trying to save me. You are my last hope, I will not let you stand in the way of my liberation.”

Savitar bit his tongue and forced his expression to remain impassive. This woman was insane! Completely unhinged. He’d been caught by a mad woman and knew this could only play out if he complied.

“I’m sorry,” he told her, softening his tone and drawing his lips into a frown. “I reacted…indecently.”

She shrugged, releasing him. “You are stuck with me here, so I can sympathize.”

The word caught him off guard and his eyes widened in horror as his mouth fell slack.

“Stuck? What do you mean _stuck_?”  
She looked at him like he was dense. “Have you not heard a word I’ve said?”

His fingers and feet were numb, and he reckoned his head had completely detached from his body. “You’ve tried and failed 661 times to escape from…this office?”

She released a huff and stood. “No Flash, not from this office. From the purgatory that is this dimension.”

Savitar’s stomach churned, pushing the contents back up his esophagus. He swallowed the wad of bile thickly. The woman had escaped from a psychiatric ward somewhere and needed to be returned immediately.

“But you, Flash, will make sure we don’t get to 662.”

His patience had run out.

“Help!” He screamed.

He wiggled around, trying to get to the nearest door. The woman watched him, her smile returning. 

“Help me!”

“I should have known. The strange suit was the first indicator. You can’t possibly be central city’s scarlet speedster,” she mumbled absently.

At this point, Savitar assumed that she was just putting nonsensical words together. He scooted further, half hopping, half squirming towards the door.

“Who are you, imposter?” She asked.

Savitar stopped moving and squinted at her. “ **Who** are _you_?”

She scratched her forearm repeatedly and Savitar wondered if she was suffering from a rash

“Eva McColloch.”

The name rang no bells in Savitar’s mind. He continued to stare at her.

“You really don’t know who I am?” She asked.

“I don’t even know who I am!”

They squared off in silence, waiting for the other to break. After a few moments, Eva dropped her head and sighed.

“I wasn’t aware that traversing dimensions could cause amnesia. Unless…you’re lying to me.”  
Savitar shook his head. “I’m not! I swear! I woke up here and I don’t know where here is and I don’t know where I’m from. I don’t know why you’ve taken me, I don’t even know how old I am!”

Seeds of panic sprouted in his chest and his throat tightened, causing him to feel like the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. Savitar had no recollection of having a panic attack but he was sure that he was experiencing one now.

“You truly don’t know who you are, do you?”  
He shook his head again, gasping like a fish out of water.

“Are you going to hurt me?” He asked.

She looked taken aback. “Hurt you? Why would I do that? You’re tied up and missing your memory. I have no reason to harm you.”  
“What are you going to do with me?”

“I’m not sure. For the past few days I’ve been scouring texts and online forums for anything that could give me a clue. I read on an online blog that stated The Flash had defeated a man named Mirror Master. Flash got caught in a mirror and was able to escape. I knew if I could get my hands on the him, he could grant us both our freedom.”

Savitar was more or less pissed that he’d been abducted instead of this Flash man. But stewing in his anger wouldn’t get him out of this place.

He sat up and pointed to the large mirror hanging behind her desk. “Is that the mirror you took me through?”  
She nodded. “I should have paid more attention to detail. Stupid Eva!”

Her vigorous scratching intensified, and she turned her back to him.

“Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!”

She chanted the word over and over, her voice growing in fervor. Savitar watched the woman, transfixed. He’d never seen psychosis up close. It was mesmerizing, the way her body went taut as her hand moved almost involuntarily. It looked like something that belonged in a horror flick and though Savitar had no clue why, he found himself enjoying this woman’s suffering.

Eva stopped abruptly, dropped her hand and walked out of the room. Savitar stared after her for a long moment and then got to work.

He wormed his way to the desk. She had to have a pair of scissors somewhere. He pulled open the first drawer and found a red notebook with a pen stuffed in the wire binding and a stapler. The next drawer was filled with paper and more stationery. The drawer beneath it housed a pair of ballet flats. With a grunt of frustration, Savitar slammed the drawer shut.

He was going to have to break the vase. He hopped carefully towards the side table pressed against the wall. The vases held a beautiful bouquet of white orchids. Savitar used his hip to knock into the table. The vase tipped and then fell to the floor.

The noise was like a gunshot. Savitar knew he had to act quickly if he didn’t want to get caught. He bent down and gathered a large shard and used the pointy end to stab at the duct tape. The tape began to fray and using his leg muscles he was able to rip the tape apart. Savitar hooted in victory before angling the shard in his fingers to stab at the tape that bound his wrist. This was far trickier and would take much longer to remove.

“Mother?”

Savitar whipped around, turning the shard in his fingers to point at the person who’d walked in.

Another woman stood in the same doorframe Eva had exited. She stared at him, her dark brown eyes wide as saucers and her mouth agape.

“Barry?”

She’d mistaken him. Though he could not recall his name he knew with absolute certainty that it was not Barry. 

“What happened to you?”

He quirked his mouth to a side as he lowered his arms. She gaped at him, taking a small, almost imperceptible step forward. Her arm lifted as if she longed to reach out and touch him but decided against it, choosing to press her hand to her chest instead. Savitar noted that this woman had a warmth to her that Eva lacked and perhaps he could use that to his advantage. If he could lull her into a false sense of security, perhaps she could be the key to his escape.

He placed the shard on the desk and hitched up his shoulders in an innocent, dunno manner. “Maybe you can help me figure that out.”


	3. The Familiar Stranger

* * *

Iris could not tear her gaze from the man who stood before her. She’d spent what felt like a hundred lifetimes gazing ardently into those crystal aquamarine eyes. Most of her time was spent committing every line, crease and divot in his ivory skin to memory. She’d studied the way his rosy lips pulled taut when he beamed, causing his eyes to disappear entirely behind his scrunched eyelids. She knew him like her own reflection, even if they’d never met. 

“I don’t understand,” she mumbled to herself. 

It had been a while since she’d last seen him. In that time, he’d suffered a horrible accident that scarred the right side of his face. The skin, marred by burns, was laden with punctures and indentations as if his flesh had stretched too thin while healing. His right eye was a milky argent. His brown hair was longer, shaggier. He looked like Barry and he didn’t. 

“The feeling’s mutual,” he replied. “Do you think, perhaps, you could unbind me?”

When he spoke, he stepped to the side, turning his head so Iris could only see the left side of his face.

“I…”

Iris had dreamed of this moment, imagining the different ways their first meeting would go. She always assumed they’d meet on the other side of the mirror. She’d have time to prepare exactly what she would say but now that he was here, she couldn’t conjure up a single coherent sentence.

“Please! I’ve been tied up for a while and it sort of uncomfortable.”

She wasn’t sure what to do. Mother must have done this to him, and she didn’t want to upset her if she freed him.

“I’m...not sure…?”

He slumped his shoulders, leaning heavily against the desk as he dropped his head.

“You’ve got the wrong person. I’m not who you think I am,” he muttered bitterly.

Iris decided to venture further into the room, cautious to keep a few feet between them. 

“So then who are you?”

He scoffed like the question was ludicrous. Iris’s cheeks warmed.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

She shrugged, thumbing her black tank top as her eyes fell to the floor. “Try me.”

“Alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. The truth is…I don’t know.”

His voice dropped an octave, coming out pillowy soft and paper thin. His jaw set firmly, making the muscles jump beneath his skin. 

“Why? What happened?”

He looked at her sharply. “Wait, you believe me?”

She shrugged again. “I suppose. I have no reason not to.”

He paused, gazing at her for a long moment. His mismatched eyes softened just a tad and the left corner of his lips hiked up.

“Will you tell me?” She asked, more curious with every passing minute.

“I would but I don’t know. All I can remember was waking up here on the floor, tied up.”

Mother would have her reasons, Iris thought. She wouldn’t have done this to him for the fun of it.

“Did you attack her?” she asked slowly.

“Who?”

“Mother?”

“M-mother? That woman is your mother?”   
Iris could tell why he’d be confused. She bore no resemblance to the woman who’d created her.

“She’s my mother because she made me. I wouldn’t exist without her.”

He stared at her for a long moment, his expression twisting in bewilderment. “You’re crazy too!”

He was more impolite than she envisioned. The Barry she’d watched treated her with respect and though Iris should have found it off-putting, she only felt intrigued. 

“I may be crazy but at least I’m not tied up,” she said, a smile creeping on her face.

“Funny,” he said dryly. “Will you get me out of this?”

It took Iris less than a second to decide. If mother wanted him taped up, she wouldn’t have left him alone to his own devices.

She walked over to him and he put out his hands. Now that she was closer, she could better study the changes. The pupil of his silver eye was torn and sort of resembled a star in the center of his pale iris. The burn had covered the smile lines that made her heart jump in her chest when they appeared. No, this certainly wasn’t the Barry she knew.

She drew her eyes away from his face and down to his outstretched arms. She raised a finger that molded into a cone of glass. His eyes widened and he took a faltering step back.

“What the…how the hell did you do that?” he asked.

“A gift from mother,” she said as she lifted her finger. “Give me your hands.”

She could see his reluctance, but he desired freedom more than he cared for his safety.

He shuffled forward and raised his hands once more. Iris took her finger and placed it on the tape.

“Hold still or I’ll cut you.”

She slid her razor-sharp finger along the tape, severing it with ease. The moment the tape released, he moved away from her. Iris shifted her finger back to normal as he peeled the tape off his wrists, massaging the skin.

“Thanks.”

She nodded. “What’ll you do now?”

He looked over his shoulder at the mirror.

“Now, I’m getting the ever-loving fuck out of here.”

Iris pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as she stared at this stranger. Her Barry never swore like this, not even when he stubbed his toe on furniture.

He walked to the mirror and placed his hand on the glass. He shot her a glance.

“Do you know how it works?”   
She joined him at the mirror. “When I touch it, I can see on the other side.”

“But you can’t go through?”

She shook her head. “No one can. If you were to try, the moment you stepped through the dimensional door, you’d burn up.”

Though she didn’t like it, Iris lied knowing that this was her one chance to connect with him. She wouldn’t squander their time together.

“There has to be a way,” he muttered as he placed both palms on the glass. He looked around the frame as if there would be a little red button that provided an easy escape.

“We’ll find one,” Iris said, “But for now Barry, let’s work on getting your memory back.”

“That’s not my name!” he said, banging a fist against the glass.

He froze, his eyes focusing on something that she couldn’t see. His mouth fell slack and it was as if he’d fallen asleep upright, eyes open.

“What should I call you then?” Iris asked.

He showed no indication of hearing her.

She raised a hand in front of his face and snapped her fingers. He released a huff of air and his eyes fell to her.

“What?” He asked.

“You spaced out there for a moment.”

He tipped his head forward, causing his dark hair to fall like a curtain around his face.

“I thought I remembered something, but it was fuzzy, like trying to see something through murky water.”

“Well, I asked what you wanted me to call you.”   
“Uh…I think my name started with a C. No, no an S. Yeah, an S.”

Iris fought hard to bite back her smile. “S. Okay, so there’s Sam, Solomon, Shawn, Steven, Simon, Stanley…”

She rattled off as many names as she could think of, but he didn’t react to a single one of them.

“I’m running out of options here,” she told him.

He yanked a hand through his hair, pushing it out of his face. “Yeah, none of them feel right.”

“In the meantime, I’m going to have to call you something.”   
He nodded. “Call me S.”

Her eyebrows quirked up in amusement. “S…as in stranger.”

Iris found it fitting. He was after all; just a familiar face on someone she didn’t know.

“I suppose. Do you think you could show me the other side?”

Iris nodded. She stepped towards the mirror and placed her palm against the cool glass. The surface rippled like a silk sheet billowing in the wind. 

The familiar image of the loft appeared. They were looking into the living room where a busy Iris sat at the dining table, laptop open, typing away furiously.

“Is that you?” S. asked.

She shook her head curtly. Searing heat bubbled in her chest as she watched the woman she’d envied her whole life. She was so lucky, living the life she had. Her thoughts, memories and actions were her own. She had no one to share the space inside her head with. It was all her.

A noise sounded from the hallway, followed by footsteps. The other Iris looked up from her screen and an easy smile spread on her painted lips.

“Hi you,” she said.

He walked into frame, the man they’d both been in love with for as long as Iris could remember. She drew her eyes from the mirror to catch S.’s reaction. He simply stared at the mirror impassively.

“Our bed is so soft! It’s like sleeping on a cloud,” Barry said as he approached her.

“I told you the Egyptian 500 thread cotton was worth the second mortgage.”

He bent down and placed a kiss on her forehead. “You have exceptional taste.”

She rolled her eyes modestly and waved a dismissive hand. “I left your breakfast on the counter and there’s coffee in the pot.”

“You’re the best,” he said as he walked to the kitchen. He carried a plate of chopped bananas and burnt toast in one hand and black coffee in the other back to the table.

“What are you working on?” He asked as he sat down.

“The blog. I’m replying to some commenters. They loved the piece on Abra Kadabra.”

Barry stared blankly at her and she giggled. “You defeated him about a week ago. I’ll forward you the post so you can catch up.”

Iris realized then that it wasn’t just S. that was suffering from memory loss, Barry was too. They were connected, perhaps in a similar way to her and the other Iris.

In the mirror, the other Iris’s phone beeped. She picked it up and her face fell.

“It’s Cisco,” she said quietly. “He says Killer Frost is at Star Labs.”

Barry bounced to his feet in a blink. “That’s good news right! She’s decided to help us.”

Iris nodded slowly. “Maybe.”

“Great! I’m going to run over.”

He leaned in and planted a quick kiss on her lips. She placed her hand on his cheek.

“Barry, please be careful.”

He nodded flippantly. “Yeah, of course. Thanks for breakfast.”

He sped off. The other Iris dropped her phone onto the table and placed her head in her hands. She sat there quietly for a moment, unmoving. Then her shoulders began to shake as she wept softly. Iris could feel her sorrow even through the mirror. Whatever she was going through was causing her tremendous pain.

The other Iris sat forward abruptly. She dragged her hands across her cheeks, wiping away the tears and sniffled loudly.

“Don’t fall apart,” she muttered to herself. “You don’t get to fall apart.”

She closed her laptop and stood, walking out of the living room. Iris removed her hand from the mirror and the picture faded.

They stood in a thick silence for a while. Iris wasn’t sure what to say to him so she waited for him to make the first move.

“That’s what she meant when she said there’s two of me,” he said.

He turned to her, his calculated eyes gazing at her intently.   
“Eva said there are two of me. She was supposed to take him, not me. And that’s why you called me Barry. You thought I was him.”

Iris nodded.

“I don’t know how this is possible but frankly, I don’t care. That guy”—he pointed to the mirror. “Isn’t me. He doesn’t get to live my life because I’m stuck in here.”

Iris tilted her head to a side. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I’m going to get the hell out of here. And when I do, I’m going to kill that son of a bitch.”

Iris recognized that anger, she’d felt it herself every time she watched the other Iris do all the things she’d never get the chance to. And though she’d never voice her acquaintance with the little green monster to her mother, she wasn’t afraid to share that part of her with him.

“You can’t do this alone, but maybe you and I can.”

“Are you sure? I’m fine on my own.”   
She turned back to the mirror, staring at her own reflection and nodded. “There can only be one.”


	4. Down Memory Lane

* * *

Savitar was pissed. Seeing that other guy with his face, minus the scar, merrily waltzing around while he was stuck in this unknown place lined his veins with bitter resentment. It was supposed to be him here, not Savitar. And Savitar vowed that he would make him suffer a thousand deaths before putting an end to him.

“Mother’s coming,” Iris said quickly, moving away from him.

Savitar prepared himself, grabbing one of the shards and holding it behind his back. He wasn’t sure what Eva would do once she saw him freed.

Eva strutted into the room and came to an abrupt halt when she saw Iris. Her eyes travelled between the pair; her eyebrows raised in question.

“What’s this?” She asked.

“I was questioning him for information,” Iris replied. Her whole demeanor changed. She stood, back straight, eyes forward, arms folded neatly in front of her. She resembled a cadet reporting for duty.

“You freed him to get information?” Eva asked.

Iris nodded. “I thought he would be more forthcoming if he felt…comfortable.”  
“And my flowers?”

“She snuck up on me,” Savitar offered with a tone of regret. “It’s my mistake.”

Eva eyes continued to bounce from one to the other until she finally landed on Iris.

“Are you ready to go?”

With the grace of a skittish cat, Iris crossed the room in a few quick strides. She took Eva’s hand and began hauling her towards the door.

“There’s something super important we need to discuss right now,” she said, rather loudly.

They exited. Savitar dropped the shard and walked back to the mirror. He peered at his reflection, trying to recall even a sliver of a memory. Earlier, when he had banged on the glass, he felt a vague sense of déjà-vu and Savitar wondered if that was a repeated action he’d preformed recently. But when he tried to expand on that moment, he saw only shadows with blurs of light, nothing concrete.

He felt the urge to try again but worried that the glass would break under any more stress.

He released a low groan as he pressed both hands to his head, digging his nails into his skin. Never had Savitar felt so weak, so useless.

To his right, he heard the sound of someone clearing their throat. He released his head and turned around. Iris leaned against the doorjamb, staring at him with a small smile playing on her full lips. Her obsidian almond eyes, framed by thick dark lashes, surveyed him with a glint of curiosity. Under her heavy gaze, Savitar felt like he’d been plopped into a furnace. His skin scorched, no doubt turning a degrading shade of salmon. His palms grew wet and he had to refrain from wiping them on his jeans.

She nodded her head towards the hallway. “You want to get out of here?”

Savitar could already feel a crooked smile spreading on his lips. “Where are we going?”

Those eyes of hers twinkled with mischief. “We’re going to get your memory back.”  
  


***

An immense rotunda building with three pillars decorating the flat roof stood before Iris and Savitar. Iris walked confidently towards the massive structure while Savitar stood and stared. He caught sight of a concrete sign. The word “star” was written in big white letters. Iris reached the entrance and looked over her shoulder.

“What is it?”

He shook his head, his eyes still on the sign. “I don’t know. Something about this doesn’t feel…right.”

There was an eerie quiet to this place. The streets were completely vacated and from the looks of it, Savitar and Iris were the only ones in the entire city.

She pulled a face as she reached for the door. “You can’t chicken out now.”  
“How do you know this will even work?” He said with an eye roll.

“You’re a man of science,” she shrugged. “The best way to test a theory is through trial.”  
Savitar sucked in a deep breath and joined Iris. Together, they headed inside.

Iris walked quickly, leading him down several hallways and up an elevator. They arrived on the second floor and Iris gave him a smile.

“You spent a lot of time here. Arguably more time here than anywhere else,” she said with a laugh.

They stepped into a large common room. A sprawling desk sat before them, housing multiple monitors. On the wall in front of them were four more monitors and in the middle an opening in the wall. Lights hung from the top, illuminating the small space. Yet nothing sat inside.

“This is the cortex. Team briefings would happen here. On the right is the med bay and on the left is Caitlin’s lab.”  
Savitar left Iris’s side to explore further. “Who’s she?” He asked.

“The in-house doctor. She’s patched you up too many times to count.”

Savitar crossed his arms over his chest, sticking his hands in his arm pits. He couldn’t picture himself laying on the cot as someone fussed over his injuries. The mere thought was so foreign to him.

“Well?” she asked.

He shook his head.

“That’s alright, let’s try the time vault.”  
Iris made for the door but Savitar continued to study the empty space. He crossed the room towards it and noticed there were sliding doors. Something important was held in this space.

“Iris?”  
“Yeah?” She asked, as she headed over.  
“What was this for?”

She tilted her head and gave him a knowing smile. “It was used to house your suit.”

His brows furrowed in confusion. “My suit for what?”  
“I think it’s best I show you.”

Iris led them out of the cortex and down the hall. She stopped short, staring at the concrete wall.

“Place your hand there,” Iris said, pointing at the wall.

Savitar did as he was told. With a whirring sound, the wall split, and an entrance formed. Savitar glanced down at Iris.

“There are secret rooms?”

She laughed. “Damn near everything in this building is a secret.”

Inside was mostly empty. The room was a curved rectangular shape, comprised of strange white walls accented with thousands of semi-circles that resembled braille. At the end of the room stood a lonely pillar. On the opposite side was a cut out similar to the one in the cortex except this one was larger and housed a cylindrical storage section. 

“What’s that pillar for?”

“It’s an artificial intelligence unit but I think it’s broken. It’s stuck on this.”

Iris waved a hand over the top.

An image appeared of a newspaper article. “The Central City Citizen.” The headline read “Flash missing, vanishes in crisis.” The article was written by Julie Greer on Thursday, April 25, 2024.

In the center, a picture of a man donning a red cowl and suit. On his chest, a white emblem with a bright yellow lightning bolt.

He stared at the picture; the nagging sense of familiarity returned. He’d seen that man before and he’d seen that suit.

“The flash is a superhero,” Savitar muttered, skimming through the article.

“Central city’s very own,” Iris replied. “Do you know who the flash is?”

Eva’s voice popped into his head. _“But you, Flash, will make sure we don’t get to 662.”_

“I am the flash?”

He felt silly as the words tumbled from his lips. How could he be a superhero?

“To be precise, Barry Allen is the flash.”

He turned to Iris, shaking his head vehemently. “But I’m not Barry Allen!”

Iris bunched her lips to a side. “I suppose not but you have to be a version of him, a duplicate perhaps.”

“I’m not!” He exclaimed.

“Then what are you?”

The question had him stumped and they both knew it. He returned his gaze to the article and the same bitter resentment he’d felt earlier settled inside him, so potent it practically oozed from his pores.

“I know what it’s like to not be an original copy. Every day, I get to stand by and watch someone else live a life that I’ll never get the chance to. _They_ get to participate. _They_ get to celebrate birthdays and holidays. Attend school or go to work. They get to fall in love and get engaged. And I get to watch. And it feels completely real to me, so much so that I can almost taste it sometimes and I forget for a few moments that it’s not me who’s living. But I’m tired of missing out. I’m sure as hell tired of this voyeuristic bullshit position I’m stuck in. Because at the end of the day, no matter what, I’m on this side of the glass and they’re on the other.”

Iris’s eyes glistened with fresh tears. She waved her hand over the pillar and the article disappeared.

“This isn’t working,” she said to him as she started for the door. “Let’s go.”

Savitar heaved a sigh and jogged to her. He reached out a hand but hesitated before his fingers could touch her.

“You’re only trying to help,” he said. “I don’t mean to be a dick, it’s just frustrating.”

She nodded, forcing a small smile. “I get it, truly. And I wish you didn’t have to go through this.”

He shrugged lightly and returned her smile. “We’re not giving up yet. What’s next?”

***

Iris pushed opened the door to an apartment. Savitar half expected for someone to start yelling as she casually strolled in, but no yelling ensued. Reluctantly, Savitar followed.

He took a few steps inside and immediately recognized the loft as the one Iris had shown him in the mirror. All the lights were off but other than that, nothing else had been altered.

“Welcome home,” Iris said as she walked to the living room. She folded herself onto the couch and placed her head in her cupped hand. “Take a look around.”

“This is our place?” He asked.

She nodded wordlessly.

He roamed around the first floor. In the kitchen, he thumbed utensils and opened drawers. In the living room he picked up a framed photo. In it was a picture of Iris and Barry, sitting side by side on a bench and grinning at the camera. Savitar’s heart twisted in his chest at the emptiness he felt as he stared at the picture. Was that a happiness he’d ever feel again? Was it even his to feel?

“That was right before you left for college,” Iris mused. “Joe—my dad, took it.”

Savitar nodded and replaced the photo. “I…I’m going to check upstairs.”

He didn’t wait for her to reply. He all but ran to the staircase and bounded the steps by two. Once he’d reached the landing, he was met with a single door. He pushed it open and inside was a large bedroom. To the side, Palladian windows took up the entire brick wall. Adjacent to that was the king-sized bed, with a tufted beige headboard sandwiched between two wooden nightstands. Two doors line the next wall, leading to the bathroom and walk in closet. The room was rather empty for a space shared between two people. Savitar slumped his way to the bed and sat down on the edge. This trip had been a bust. All of the places that should have evoked emotions for him did nothing to jog his memory. The nagging presence of familiarity in his mind meant nothing if it didn’t bring about his recollection. Savitar wasn’t sure how long he could keep this charade up. He felt like he was tearing apart inside, as if his brain was a pulsing black hole, swallowing him up bit by bit.

There was a knock at the door. Iris stood in the doorframe. “Can I come in?”

He nodded. If there was one thing to be said, it was that Savitar felt less miserable in her presence. She was like the crackling flame and he, the fluttering moth.

She joined him at the edge of the bed.

“I don’t remember anything,” he muttered angrily.

“Don’t be hard on yourself. We tried, that’s what matters.”

She reached over and placed a hand on his thigh. The moment her fingers brushed his leg, Savitar felt a jolt of electricity so powerful, he jumped from the bed.

Iris stared at him in bewilderment, her hand frozen in place.

“I’m sorry,” she gasped.

He shook his head. He’d never felt a rush like that. Her touch was thrilling as if it came with its own electric charge. His skin still buzzed where her hand had rested.

“Touch me,” he breathed, staring at her.

“What?”

“I need you to touch me again.”

Iris hesitantly got to her feet, still staring at him like he was insane. Savitar couldn’t wait any longer, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. He pressed her body firmly against his, bending down to rest his head on her shoulder. He took a deep breath, breathing in her delicious scent of warm vanilla and sticky sweet pine. She was exquisite and Savitar wondered why the hell it took him so long to touch her. 

“S. Are you…”

Her words slowed down to a near stop. Savitar straightened and Iris was now a statue, frozen in time. The analog clock hanging on the wall stopped ticking. Savitar took a step backwards but he miscalculated how quickly he could move. His feet slipped up and he tumbled to the floor, flying backwards. He stopped short of smacking into the wall.

“…Okay?”

Iris blinked hard and then gasped. She lurched forward, dropping to her knees beside him.

“That was so weird,” Savitar panted.

Iris rested a splayed hand on his chest and beamed down at him, the other gently smoothing his hair back.

“Looks like someone’s got their speed back.”

Savitar let his head fall back on the floor and stared up in wonder at the woman kneeling over him. He threaded his fingers through hers. Finally, a breakthrough.


	5. The Road to Success...

* * *

Iris was brimming with excitement. This new development was sure to please Eva and it meant that Iris had accomplished something, even if it wasn’t what they originally set out to do.

When they arrived back at the office, Iris left S. in the main office and headed down the hall. She found her mother in the lab, perched against the windowsill, arms crossed, staring blankly out the window

Iris walked into the room and shut the door softly behind herself.

“Well?” Eva asked, without turning to face her.

Iris steeled herself, straightening her back and staring directly ahead. She cleared her throat. “His speed has returned.”

“And?” Eva replied stonily. “What does that do for us?”

Iris noted that she was in one of her moods. Mother only got like this when something’s happened concerning her husband, Joseph Carver. Iris could remember with vivid clarity the moment mother watched her husband bed another woman. She was inconsolable, destroying half the office in a fit of rage. It took Iris almost two days to clean up the mess and then they both agreed never to speak of day 47.

“Perhaps you can use his speed in some way. A new variable in the equation could be what we need to solve the problem.”

Eva turned around slowly. Though mother tried to keep up appearances by following a strict grooming routine, today she looked dishevelled and unkempt. Her hair sat in a bushy crown around her head. She wore no makeup, revealing the navy bags beneath her eyes and the sallow pallor of her skin. The top buttons of her blouse were undone and her sleeves were rolled up, placing her raw, red skin on display.

“A new variable?” She laughed sardonically. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

Iris knew nothing good was to come out of this conversation. Her best option would be to make a hasty retreat and leave mother to calm down.

“I created you to serve me,” she spat. “You were an accident, an unexpected by-product on day 12. When I finally learned how to collect things through the mirror, I never meant to grab you. So, you can imagine my surprise when I asked you to do one thing to ensure my liberation and you can’t even manage that task.”

“I’m sorry. I thought—

“ _You_ don’t think. _You_ simply do. If I tell you to retrieve titanium hydride for the pyrotechnic initiator on the other side of the mirror, you obey.”

“Yes, mother. I know.”   
Eva tilted her head, her eyes darkening to coal. “Do you? I believe I’ve been too lenient.”

She raised her hand and slowly curled her fingers into a fist. Iris released an ear-piercing howl and staggered to the floor as she clutched her head. It was as if someone was cracking her skull against reinforced steel but from the inside. She felt her bones splitting in half as her skin ripped apart.

“I don’t want to do this,” Eva muttered. “But, how can you assure my success when you’ve done nothing but fail me?”

“Please,” Iris gasped through the agony.

She rolled on the floor, squeezing her eyes shut. Her lip curled as the wrenching pain intensified, spreading throughout every inch of her body. She couldn’t take it anymore.

“STOP!”

Eva unfurled her fingers. The pain ceased. Iris laid there, unmoving, straddling the precipice of consciousness.

She heard footsteps and mother’s pained expression appeared above her. She skimmed her fingers along the side of Iris’s cheek.

“What will you do?”

Iris fought to breathe out the words. “I…will ensure your success.”

Her lips spread into a grin. “That is all I ask.”

With the wave of her hand, any residual pain dissipated at once. She released a breath and ran her hands along her body. Everything was intact.

“Go now, fulfill your purpose. Retrieve my titanium hydride from S.T.A.R Labs and be quick about it.” 

Iris sat up. Eva had returned to the window, leaving Iris with one option. She silently climbed to her feet and without so much as a glance back, left the room.

***

Iris secretly hated her trips through the mirror. On this side, everything was so bright, so lively. There were people everywhere and a cacophony of sounds in the streets. Even the sun burned with a brilliance the mirror verse could never replicate. Everything about this dimension was so vibrant, so alive. It was nothing like the place she called home.

The sun had set on central city when Iris came out of the mirror in one of Eva’s abandoned labs sites. Iris was careful to look around just in case there happened to be any squatters lurking in the shadows. After a quick sweep, Iris checked the digital clock on the wall. 

_8:15, June 31 st, 2017_.

The last time Iris had left home it was March 1st. The incongruent time between the two dimensions was a little disorienting and Iris felt like she’d jumped to the future.

She grabbed her supply bag and headed for the door.

Iris took the long way to Star Labs. Since Cisco and Caitlin never left the premise before 9 p.m., she would walk slowly through the city to kill time. Plus, Iris wasn’t exactly in a hurry to rush home.

She decided to stop at one of her favorite spots.

CC Jitters was a mesmerizing place. The whirr of the coffee machines grinding beans to perfection, people laughing and hanging out together, a sense of mirth and serenity in the organized chaos of the coffee shop. Iris could stand with her nose pressed against the glass and watch people go by for hours. There were many things Iris wished she could bring back home with her, but Jitters had to be among the top three.

When she arrived, the shop owners had already locked up for the night. She instead went out back and used the fire escape to climb up to the roof.

She walked to the edge of the balcony and peered out at the busy city night. Iris took a deep breath, the cool air felt rejuvenating on her skin.

This was the first place Iris had visited when she’d travelled to this side of the mirror. The trip was easy enough, but her body was incompatible with this world. The moment she was through, she fell to the ground, her head feeling too heavy to be supported upright any longer. She laid in the dark lab for hours, unable to focus on anything as her mind spun in blank circles. And when she finally got a grip on reality, she went to the only place that felt safe. An empty rooftop in the center of the city.

It was there that she stayed until she heard a door slam shut. Iris scurried to hide and ducked down along one of the brick walls.

“God,” someone said with a sigh.

Iris recognized the voice immediately; it was the same voice that came from her lips every time she spoke.

Sure enough, when she peered around the wall, she saw herself. A different version of course, but it was still her.

The other Iris rested heavily against the ledge, dangling her hands over the drop and lowered her head.

“I know you probably can’t hear me, but I miss you.”

Iris’s curiosity got the better of her and instead of leaving as she should have, she leaned in closer.

“I’m really trying but it’s so hard. Every night I come home to our empty apartment and climb into our empty bed. It’s so quiet. I hate it. I hate not having you here Eddie.”

Iris had access to her counterpart’s long-term memory meaning she knew what elementary school Iris had attended and what flavor of cake she got for her thirteenth birthday. She could recite every lyric to her favorite song and knew how horribly wet her first kiss had been. But for current events, she had to resort to the mirror and watch them unfold.

“I finally did it,” she continued in a strained, brittle voice. “I took your stuff down to the donation center. I kept your rubber ducky shirt though; I couldn’t bring myself to give that away.”

Her voice broke and Iris realized then that though they may have looked identical, they were far from the same person. The other Iris had led a life, somewhat unknown to her. Whereas she had only started “living” a week prior. And more importantly, the other Iris had life experiences that she would never be allowed to have for herself. Moments she could only glimpse through someone else's perspective. 

“I don’t know if I get to say this, but I am furious with you Eddie,” she paused to take in a ragged breath. “You always thought that I was going to be the one to leave you, but it’s you who’s left me. You’ve left me all alone.”

The other Iris dissolved into a puddle of tears, sobbing so loudly the pedestrians in the street were sure to hear.

Iris stayed with her counterpart until she gathered herself. Without a look back, she headed to the door. Iris wished that she could have done more to help her, even to simply offer her a glass shoulder to cry on but mother would never allow it. With a heavy heart in her crystalline chest, Iris rose to her feet. 

Iris pulled herself out of the memory and peered down at her watch. 9:08. Perfect.

She left the rooftop and quickly travelled to Star Labs. She went out back, careful to stay flush against the wall to avoid the camera. In her haste, she hadn’t checked the mirror for the other Iris’s location and couldn’t risk going through the front doors if she was already inside.

Iris slipped through the backdoor, using the key card she’d duplicated on the third trip.

Once inside, Iris had to get to Cisco’s workshop. Her best option was to go to the cortex and check the cameras. That way she could make note of anyone left in the building.

With quick steps, Iris made it to the cortex. After clearing the room, Iris walked in. She went to the main desk and typed in the password to log into the other Iris’s account. For the life of Iris, she couldn’t figure out why her password was “Runninhome2U”.

Iris pulled up the camera feed and to her surprise, no one was on the premise. For once, Star Labs was completely empty.

She turned off the computer and strode to Cisco’s workshop. Despite being quite the genius, Cisco often left his workshop door unlocked. Today was another one of those days. Iris closed the door behind herself and looked around. The room was in chaos as if a tornado had swept through and Iris knew that she would have to shift through the whole mess to find the titanium hydride. The grey-black powder had to be stored somewhere dry, far from any acids or halogens. Iris decided to start with the right side of the room, checking all of the drawers and cupboards. Cisco had a lot of shit and even after twenty minutes, Iris had yet to find the powder. She released a breath of frustration. Maybe it wasn’t stored here? Maybe he’d used it all up today. If the powder wasn’t here, Iris knew that she would have to find it somewhere else. Because returning home emptyhanded was not an option.

Iris gave herself ten more minutes. She tried the welded storage cabinet next to a stack of crates and hiding behind a Bunsen burner, Iris found a rack of bins holding various powders. Iris performed a little shimmy as she pulled out the plastic bins. Cisco may have been disorderly, but he did manage to label each of the powders. Iris grabbed the titanium hydride and replaced the bin. She slipped it into her bag as she did a quick look around to make sure everything she’d touched was back in its place. Then she headed for the door. As she pulled it open, she smacked right into the hard frame of someone’s chest. With a startled yelp, she stumbled back. Before she could fall, the person reached out and grabbed her by the wrist. She regained her footing and looked up to see a smiling Harrison Wells.

“Iris! I thought you’d left earlier with Barry.”

Panic exploded in Iris’s chest. The moment she opened her mouth, she’d break the cardinal rule.

 _“Never, under any circumstances, should you interact with Iris’s friends or family._ ”

Mother’s words echoed harshly in her ears as she swallowed thickly.

“Um…Yeah, I came back. I forgot something.”

She couldn’t help the tremor of terror in her voice. She hoped Harrison would assume it was from almost getting trampled over. 

“Okay, well I was taking a quick tour of the facility and was about to go make myself a steaming cup of joe. Do you care to join me?”  
This wasn’t at all like the Harrison Iris had seen through her counterpart’s memory. He must have been the doppelgänger.

“Um…no. I can’t. Barry’s probably waiting for me.”

Harrison nodded, an easy smile growing on his lips. “Yes, of course. The newly engaged have much to discuss, I’m sure.”

Iris promptly hid her naked left hand behind her back and smiled brightly. “Yeah, exactly. So much wedding planning to do.”

Harrison stepped aside and Iris passed through. She got a few steps before Harrison cleared his throat.

“Oh, Iris?”   
Reluctantly, she swiveled on her feet. “Yes?”

“I know we’re all a little nervous but we’re not going to let anything happen to you. On my earth we have a saying, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

Iris’s brows furrowed in confusion. Was this Harrison Wells a philosophy teacher? 

“Just a reminder that you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

Iris nodded and this time when she smiled, it wasn’t forced. “Thanks Harry.”

He pointed to himself. “H.R, remember?”   
Iris scratched her cheek nervously and nodded. “Right, right of course! I’m…super sleep deprived. My mistake. I’ll see you later.”   
She turned on her heel and booked it for the elevator. Only once she was safely inside did she release the breath she’d been holding. All Iris could do now was hope that she hadn’t blown her cover.

  
***

“Did you get it?” Mother asked.

Iris nodded and placed the baggie of powder onto her desk.

Eva walked over and cupped both of Iris’s cheeks. “Soon enough, my dear, we will be free of this insufferable dimension.”

Iris stared back at her mother and gave a nod of agreement.

“Your success is assured.”

Iris left mother in her lab. She travelled down the hall and into her office. To her surprise, it was empty. Iris wasn’t sure where S. could have gone but she figured it couldn’t be far.

She headed over to the mirror, in hopes of catching the ramifications of her accidental chat. As she rounded the desk, she jumped in her skin. S. laid on the ground, curled onto his side, unconscious. Iris dropped to her knees and took his head and rested it on her lap.

“No! No! NO!”

She shook him gently, but he didn’t stir.

“S? Can you hear me? S?”

The only response she received was a deafening silence.


	6. The Insanity Clause

* * *

It was a frigid night. Despite the lack of snow in the city, the temperature sat at a bone chilling 53° F. And though no part of his body was exposed, Savitar couldn’t stop shivering.

A man stood before him. He wore the same red suit Savitar had seen in the newspaper article. This was the man Savitar shared his identity with, this was The Flash.

They stood facing off, approximately thirteen yards apart. The flash held his hands up in a manner that conveyed earnest entreaty.

“Don’t! Please, don’t! Don’t do this!”  
His voice was burdened with frustration and fear, a potent combination of emotions Savitar knew all too well.

“Now, finally, I am free of you.”

This voice, deep and distorted came from him. Though he spoke with a booming tenor of exultation, Savitar only felt dread. The sort of dread one feels before a huge, life threatening storm washes inland. A dread that jammed his veins thick and filled his lungs whole. He was drowning on the inside because he knew something awful was coming, something unforgiveable.

“Barry, I love you.”  
Iris. _His_ Iris. Barry’s Iris. He could feel the weight of her body in his armoured grasp. And though, he couldn’t see the look on her face, he knew it was contorted in terror, her skin drenched in tears.

Barry began to close the gap between them with tentative steps. “No, don’t say that, all right? You’re going to be all right.”

He turned to Savitar and perhaps it was because they shared the same face, the same DNA make up, the same breaking heart, but Savitar hesitated. He allowed for one moment, a few imperceptible seconds to wallow in what would be the most agonizing event to occur in either of their lifetimes.

“I’m begging you, just—”

“Barry,” Iris cried.

Even in the face of death, Iris focused solely on the man she loved. And Savitar knew he could never have that. He could never be the subject of her unfaltering love.

“You lose, Barry.”

The sound of unsheathing metal. A distant cry. A blur of lightning. Time slowed to a near halt and Savitar made his move. He drew the blade back and thrust it forward, spearing Iris through the back. In all of the noise—the screaming, Barry’s footsteps slamming against the pavement, Savitar’s thundering pulse—Iris never made a sound.

Savitar retracted the blade and then sped off. He didn’t get far, rounding the corner of the nearest building and tripping over his feet. He slammed into the brick wall with enough force to dent his suit.

It was over. Savitar had accomplished his mission. But how was he to know that success tasted of caustic remorse. An acrid flavor that stained his tongue and scorched his throat. No, he’d never relish the taste of anything sweet again, only harsh notes of bitter regret.

***

Savitar’s eyes opened slowly. His migraine was back, the same rubber band slapping at the inside of his skull with a ceaseless fervour. Despite the pain, he struggled to sit up. He needed to see Iris. He needed to make sure she was okay.

“Take it easy. You knocked out pretty hard.”

It was her. He’d never been so delighted to hear the sweet lithe of a woman’s voice. He sat forward, his eyes searching desperately for her. She perched on the couch resting against the opposite wall. She watched him; her expression pinched with concern.

He touched a hand to his throbbing forehead. “What happened.”

Iris shook her head. “I came in here and you were laid out on the floor next to the desk.”

He tried to recall what happened, but his mind was clouded with the image of Iris’s murder, replaying vividly on a loop.

“I had a dream…” he muttered. “I don’t know why but it all seemed so real.”

He still felt consumed with the pungent tang of dread.

“What was it about?”  
He looked at her face. Her cheeks were dry, her lips without a quiver. Her soft brown eyes held no fear, just a modicum of unease. His eyes trailed down to her chest, where her silky umber skin was perfectly intact.

“It was…some woman’s death. I didn’t recognize her but watching it up close, it felt so real.”

Iris smiled lightly. “Well, that’s the great thing about dreams. They have no place in reality, unless you want them to.”

He nodded, lowering his gaze. Lying to her felt wrong, like wearing a shirt two sizes too small or putting your shoe on the wrong foot.

“Why does my head hurt?” he asked.

Iris rose to her feet. “There isn’t an easy way to tell you this.”

She ambled over to him and sat down on the ledge of the chesterfield sofa, leaving plenty of room between them.

“What you’re experiencing—according to mother—is a form of neural dissonance.”

She paused, toying with her fingers in her lap. He gave her an affirmative—albeit reluctant nod to continue.

“Mother’s theory is that people from outside the mirror, in your dimension, experience a form of neural dissonance when exposed to this dimension for an extended period of time. She believes that your body is incompatible with this plane of existence. Your mind is trying to make sense of a world it was never meant to be exposed to.”

“So,” he took in a deep breath. “You’re saying, what? I’m losing my mind?”  
Iris shook her head, without meeting his eyes. “No? Maybe. The truth is, we have no way of telling for sure. For all intents and purposes, you’re our patient zero.”

Savitar shot up from the couch which sparked a searing blast through his skull. He crossed the room towards the mirror, massaging his tender head.

“So…to recap. I’m going to lose my goddamned mind in this place because none of us know how to get through that fucking mirror?! Am I correct in assuming that I’ve probably got a very short few weeks left before I’m babbling like a toddler?”

Iris flinched as his voice rose but remain silent. 

He spotted the garbage bin next to the desk, reared up behind it and kicked it across the room. Trash spewed all over the floor and Savitar heaved a groan through gritted teeth.

“I won’t let that happen.”

He turned to Iris, who hadn’t moved from her spot.

“You won’t?”

She shook her head, her eyes finally meeting his. “I’m not going to let this place destroy you. We’ll get you back before then, I promise.”  
The sincerity in her voice was charming but it meant shit to Savitar. He didn’t want her empty promises, he wanted assurance. He needed a guarantee.

“And what exactly is the plan? Are you going to rub your hands together and pray for a miracle?”

Iris shook her head. “I understand you’re upset—

“I’m not upset. I’m losing my mind! Literally!”

“I understand that but S. if you could just—

“JUST WHAT? You and Eva have been stuck here for over 600 days! Do you really think anything’s going to change in the next few weeks?”

“Your anger accomplishes nothing!” Iris snapped. She climbed to her feet and picked through the garbage as she walked over to him. She came to a stop, standing directly beneath his nose and looked up to meet his gaze.

“I don’t want to waste our time yelling about things that we don’t have control over. I’d rather spend our time doing whatever the hell we can to break down the dimensional door. So, if you’re done bitching, maybe you can let me show you something that I think might help.”

Savitar noted two things as they stared at each other in silence.

The first being that his body reacted unorthodoxly to the sound of her curses and he wanted nothing more than to make her shout curses a dozen more times all over this room.

The second being that with a few words and a stern look, Iris had managed to sap all of his anger. Staring into those beguiling brown eyes, it was then that Savitar realized he wasn’t angry at all to begin with. Simply scared. He’d lost his memory and his whole identity and now he was facing the possibility of losing whatever parts of his mind remained. To Savitar, it was a fate worse than death to be suspended between an inability to enjoy life and to die without ever having truly lived.

He scoffed. “I must have been a horrible person and garnered a shit ton of bad karma in a past life to justify this.”

Iris raised a hand and lightly cupped the side of his cheek. Savitar felt no need to pull away, even though he wasn’t sure if he was entirely comfortable with her touching his scar.

“You could never be bad,” she murmured. “Not in any lifetime. Not in any dimension.”

Savitar could no longer feel the pain in his head. In fact, he couldn’t feel anything other than her hand pressed against his skin, radiating an abundance of pleasure throughout his body.

He leaned forward, dipping his head. Their breaths mingled and Savitar inhaled deeply. True to her name, she smelled of a distinct floral fragrance blended with that sticky sweet aroma of vanilla. Savitar could have probably stood there and breathed her in for all of eternity, but he was tired of waiting, he needed to taste her.

“S…?”

The way she pled his nickname weakened his knees and sent shivers down his spine, collecting south of his waistline. A hair’s width of space existed between their lips. A small tilt of his head and her mouth would be his.

“Iris?”

He didn’t want to force himself on her. He wanted to hear her say it. To vocalize that she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

“I…um…We should…

The space between them grew as she lowered herself from her tip toes. She released him, pulling her hands from his heated skin and tucking them behind her back. The air around him turned cold and Savitar felt as though he’d been doused with ice water.

“…Get started. Yeah, speaking of…I should really show you this.”  
She took a step back. The moment was over. His ravenous body protested but he nodded wordlessly.

He wouldn’t initiate anything more between them until she begged for it, her body trembling with need.

“Alright,” he replied.

He straightened and placed his folded hands against the sizeable bulge in his pants.

“Lead the way.”

Iris headed over to the mirror. She ran her finger along the wall next to the frame of the mirror and came to a stop at about chest height. She pressed a button that was indistinguishable from the marble panel. A whir and whoosh and the wall holding the mirror pulled open.

“Any other secret rooms in here I should know about?” Savitar asked as he peered around the office.

Iris shook her head. “Just this one. But this is mother’s panic room. She doesn’t really let me in here, but you should know…”  
She disappeared behind the secret door and with no other choice, Savitar followed her through. The first thing Savitar noticed was that every square inch of the room was covered in mirrors. It was as if they’d walked into a house of mirrors at the county fair. In the centre was a large desk, identical to the one sitting in the office.

In the corner of the room, kneeling on the floor was the monstrous suit Savitar had seen in his dream. Down to the very last detail, they were the exact same. Savitar couldn’t deny the truth as he gaped at the suit. He was the one who killed Iris.

“Mother thought that you could use it to harm us so when you fell unconscious, she had me take it in here. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it sooner.”  
Savitar stomach erupted with guilt, dousing his innards with corrosive acid. He leaned forward against the desk, his grasp on consciousness beginning to slip.

“S?” Iris laid a tentative hand on his back.

“You were right to hide it from me,” he muttered. “I’m no good. To you, to anyone.”  
When he lifted his head and saw the naïve confusion in her expression, Savitar’s chest constricted so tightly, he worried his rib cage was caving in.

“I’m sorry.”

How could those words be enough to excuse his actions? He wasn’t sure if what he saw was a vision of the future or a memory of the past but either way, he was undeserving of the woman standing before him.

“You’re better off without me.”

Savitar straightened, stepping away from her touch. He allowed for one more moment to look at that sweet face and then sped off. He exited the building and ran into the empty streets. He ran so quickly, even his vision began to blur. And when he felt like his legs would collapse, he drew to a stop.

Savitar stood on a quiet residential street, staring up at a two-story house. Though he’d never seen it before, he felt an invisible force pulling him towards the property. Instead of fighting against it, Savitar succumbed to whatever intangible pull this house possessed and headed inside.


	7. The Price of Happiness

* * *

Iris was at a loss. She’d upset him, she was sure of it. Not only because of the way he ran out of the office like a bat out of hell but also in the flippant manner in which he shrugged her off. So casually, so callous. As if they weren’t sharing a single breath only moments before.

What iris couldn’t be sure of was why.

Was it because she’d hid the suit from him or because he no longer felt the same way about her?

_“You’re better off without me?”_

His words made no sense to Iris. Was this his way of subtly rejecting her? An insipid twist on the ever-cruel cliché; “it’s not you, it’s me.” Perhaps, she was overthinking his actions. Perhaps, he’d simply gone out for some air or to clear his head. Iris wanted to believe that she wasn’t at fault and whatever the reason was for his running away, that she wasn’t to blame. There was only one way to know for sure.

Iris stormed back into the panic room. She pressed her hand against the mirror and thought of S. After a few moments, the mirror’s surface didn’t change. 

Iris’s face wrinkled in frustration and she tried again. Nothing. Why couldn’t she locate him?

She tried once more but the result didn’t change.

Could she do anything right?

Changing course, she waved a hand over the mirror and the image finally shifted. Her eyes narrowed grudgingly at the animated picture of the other version of herself.

The other Iris flittered around her loft as she got ready to turn in for the night. She put away her dishes, wiped down the kitchen counter, straightened up the living room and blew out the decorative candles. She straightened her satin robe and looked at the time. 10:45. She walked over to the dining table and picked up her cell phone.

“Dad, hey! Sorry, I know it’s late. Has Barry been by the house?” 

She leaned against the table, biting absently at her thumb nail as her father responded. 

“Yeah, yeah of course. I figured he was probably out patrolling. You know how he is.”

Another pause and Iris’s eyes dotted towards the clock on the wall once more.

“I know. It’s been hard on him and I’m sure he’s just being cautious…Me? Dad, I’m fine. I know the team’s working around the clock on this. We’ll find something to beat Savitar…. I’m sure…Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you too.”

The other Iris hung up the phone. Less than a minute had passed and still, she glanced at the clock. Iris wondered what could have had her counterpart so wound up and who the hell was Savitar?

The other Iris walked over to the couch and sat down, curling up in the corner and resting her head on the back cushion. She stared off into nothing, thinking. Iris had seen her do this a few times before. In fact, she did it a lot after Eddie died. But now, Iris couldn’t think of anything that could cause the other Iris to wallow in such a way.

As Iris watched her counterpart, she felt the gradual sharpening of the searing emerald blade of envy. What could she possibly have to wallow about? She had everything.

Even though the other Iris couldn’t see her, she stepped forward, pressing her nose into the glass. Iris possessed nothing. She didn’t have the family; the other Iris took for granted. She didn’t have the journalistic career; the other Iris often neglected. She didn’t have the love of her life; the other Iris misused as a crutch.

Iris’s family extended to a woman whose sanity teetered on the edge, threatening to tip over most days. She had no career; she certainly didn’t have a purpose outside of her mother’s wishes. A man to love her? He’d run out the door without a second glance back.

How could _she_ know of dolor? She wasn’t written to be hidden away, in a place where no one cared to come find her. The other Iris held the stars and the moon within her grasp. She had the entire world at her disposal, and yet, she spends her time staring fruitlessly into space.

If only Iris could take her place.

She could have a life. Her life.

She wouldn’t squander a second. Every moment would be spent living, breathing, bathing in the essence of vitality.

She’d lead a life worth living.

Iris stepped back from the mirror. She knew what she had to do. It was going to be hard for her to say goodbye to this place, the only place she’d ever called home. But a tearful farewell was well worth the satisfaction of stepping into the life that should have always been hers. And though the pain of eliminating the other Iris would haunt her for years to come, she knew it had to better than living this way.

She nodded to herself, exiting the panic room. She had to find S so she could put her plan into motion. Iris recalled what she’d said to S. only two short days ago. “ _There can be one.”_ Iris smiled.

So be it.

***

Iris had gone to Star labs, Joe’s house, Jitters and even the police station. S. was nowhere to be found. A thought occurred to Iris as she climbed down the stairs in the station that stopped her in her tracks. What if he’d managed to find a way out?

No, no that wasn’t possible. Besides, he wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye. Would he?

Iris picked up the pace, jumping into the nearest mirror as Eva had taught her. Iris wasn’t particularly fond of travelling through mirrors, but it was faster than running. She made it across the city in no time and popped out of a window at the top of Cherry Lane. 

Iris hadn’t visited the sleepy residential street in months. The chances of S. shaking up in Barry’s old house were slim, but Iris decided to be thorough.

As Iris walked up the steps, she noticed that the front door was ajar.

She ran up the remaining steps and dashed inside; eyes peeled as she poked her head into every rooms. With the first floor empty, so Iris moved upstairs. She walked down the hall and pushed open the first door on the right.

It was Barry’s childhood room. Iris took a moment to appreciate the baby blue walls, decorated with elementary awards. The floor was adorned with a colorful road rug. A large model of the solar system hung from a wire attached to the ceiling. Lego toy sets covered most surfaces and stuffed animals laid abandoned around the room. Standing over the bed, staring in bewilderment was S.

“How did you…?”   
Iris stepped further into the room and picked up a plush brown bear. She gazed down at its perpetually smiling face.

“This was Barry’s old room.”

S. turned away, shielding his face from her with his hair.

“This is a home,” he muttered. “This place should evoke feelings of fondness and happiness.”

“It should,” Iris nodded. She replaced the bear and walked over to him. His hand gripped the cedar footboard and Iris placed her hand atop his. 

“Then why am I so sad?”

The tremble in his voice took Iris by surprise. Memories or not, she should have known this house would be agonizing for him. Iris contemplated telling S. the truth. In the end, no matter how hard it would be to swallow, it was better to know than to stand in the false serenity of pretence.

Iris took in a deep breath. “When Barry was 11 years old, his mother was murdered in this house. Barry’s father was wrongly accused and sentenced for her murder. So, even though this house should be a place of comfort, it hasn’t been for Barry since that day.”

S. shook his head, scooping up an end of the galaxy themed comforter. “It’s weird, I don’t remember what you’re talking about but, I can _feel_ it. I can feel his pain.”  
Iris squeezed his hand. “I know it’s hard but,” she placed the other hand on his back. “You can’t keep living vicariously through someone else. It’ll tear you apart. Trust me.”

After a minute of silence, she released him, unsure whether he wanted her consolation. She walked over to the dresser, skimming her fingers along the ivory painted wood. A small picture book sat at the feet of a plush cow. Iris picked it up and thumbed through the pages.

“We reserve the right to be our own people. To have our own autonomy,” she said, breaking the silence. 

Iris smoothed her fingers over the last two pages and admired the simple illustration.

A small green dinosaur sat snuggly in the arms of his mother as they smiled lovingly at each other. Beneath the illustration, in a loopy, juvenile font were the book’s final words. “…What makes you special is out of all the different dinosaurs in the big, wide world, you have the mother who is just right for you, and will always…”

Iris felt an acute stabbing pain in the same place her heart should have been. What would it be like to have someone who is just right, she wondered?

A loud thump drew her from her thoughts. She turned around and S. was now folded on the ground next to the bed. Iris discarded the book and scurried over to him.

“Is it your head?” She asked as she reached for him.

The heels of his palms were pressed against his eyes. His trembling lips parted, and he released a hiccupping cry. Iris sat back on her heels and let her hands fall limply to her thighs, stunned. Any thoughts that populated her mind vanished as she watched S. crumble to pieces. His body racked back and forth with quiet sobs, his skin tinged pink.

This was new for Iris. Though she’d witnessed Barry cry a multitude of times, to varying degrees, it was always the other Iris who swept him in her arms and lulled his tears away. Suddenly in the driver’s seat, Iris had no idea how to comfort S.

So, she simply sat with him. It wasn’t very long before his cries faded to whimpers and his quaking body stilled.

Tentatively, Iris wrapped her fingers around his hands. She gently pulled their hands from his face, revealing the saddest pair of eyes Iris had ever seen. Rimmed red with misery and wet with sorrow, they stared back at her silently pouring fragments of the feelings he couldn’t bear to put into words.

A stray tear trailed down his cheek and Iris wiped it away, giving him a small smile. She ran the pads of her fingertips along the uneven skin of his right cheek. His eyes fell shut as he wrapped his long fingers around her wrist, holding her in place.

“I feel stupid. Why am I sitting here grieving a family that I’ve never known?” He mumbled.

Iris leaned in a little closer, her gaze trailing the intricate lines of his face. She’d known he was beautiful and the burns that marred his skin did little to detract from that beauty. If anything, it added an element of uniqueness, a mark only he could possess. It drew a line between him and the man who’d created him.

“An unfortunate side effect of being a duplicate. We feel as they do without ever experiencing anything for ourselves.”

“A fate crueler than death,” S. said under his breath. His eyes opened and they gazed at one another with a mutual understanding. They were broken, but at least they were broken together.

“I lied before,” he said, as he rearranged himself on the floor. “The dream I had; I know who the woman was.”   
Iris’s eyes grew wide. “Does that mean your memory’s returning?”   
He shook his head and let out a note of humorless laughter. “No, I don’t think so. But, the woman…Iris, it was you.”

Iris’s brows knit together, and she shook her head. “Well, that’s not possible is it. Right? I’m still here.”

He pulled one of his hands back and dragged it forcibly against his blotchy skin. “I know but I think it was a vision…maybe of the future or the past, I’m not entirely sure. But I do know with every fiber of my being that it was real.”

Iris nodded, smoothing her hair behind her ear. “Okay. Well, I think that you shouldn’t fault yourself for things that have no basis in this reality. I mean look! I’m alive, see?”

“You don’t understand!” He exhaled in frustration. “It was me! I killed you! With that suit in Eva’s office.”

Iris sat back on her feet once more, inserting space between them. “You? You’re saying you’re going to kill me?”

S. shook his head. “I think so. I don’t know why but Iris, I’m sorry.”

Iris pursed her lips and studied the man before her. He was torn and molded from the same cloth as Barry, in fact, they shared more similarities than differences. But Barry, under no circumstances, would ever hurt his Iris. Not now, not ever. So why would S.?

“That’s not possible,” she replied with a hollow laugh.

“I’m still unsure how I could…but Iris, you have to know that I would never willingly do anything to harm you.” 

She looked down at their fingers, intwined in a knot. “You’re a superhero. You don’t…kill. Ever.”

“Something’s changed.”

Iris shook her head, forcing the words from her lips with every bit of conviction she could muster.

“You’re a good guy! You save people every single day. You’ve never killed! Barry never kills!”

S. nodded, pulling his hand from hers. “Well, that stands to reason because I’m not Barry.”

“No of course not, but you’re a part of him. A part of his heart beats in your chest. You get that right?”

S glowered at her, his palms tightening into fists. “No! I’m not. We’re not the same.”

Iris pushed to her feet, staring down at him. “You are! You have to be.”

“Iris you’re not listening to me! I’m—

“No!” Iris snapped. “You’re not listening to ME!”

S. climbed to his feet, shoving his hair out of his face with both hands. “You think I’m any more Barry than you are Iris! We’re not the same!”

Iris nodded. “No, _we’re_ not! Because mothe—Eva made me here.” She spread out her hands, gesturing to the dimension they both felt entrapped in. “You! You have a place in that world. A place Barry created for you! What the hell do I have? Iris doesn’t even know I exist.”

“How are you so sure that Barry made me?”

“How else could you be here S? God, think about it!”

“Then why the fuck do I look like this! He created an aberration—he made a mistake!”

Iris took a step back, looking at him as a whole. She saw no defect, no abnormality about him. He was perfectly himself, a deviation from the original but by no means, a mistake. She, on the other hand, was used to hearing that word. Eva had referred to Iris as a mistake, among other insults so often that Iris would wonder if she was right. There even existed a quiet portion of her that believed it to be true. But to hear it said aloud, burned her esophagus with the white-hot fire of indignity. 

She swallowed thickly, turning away from him. “That’s not true.”

S. scoffed. “Are you so blind as to ignore the fact staring you right in the face. Iris, we’re not supposed to be. We shouldn’t exist, not in this dimension or the next.”

His tone punched the air from her lungs with enough force to cause her to stumble back. She hated even the mere possibility of him being right. Iris couldn’t think of anything that would hurt her more than to have her existence invalidated by the one person who could relate to her condition.

“You’re wrong,” she said breathlessly. A tingle in her nose indicated tears weren’t far behind.

S. shook his head, rubbing his chin between his thumb and index. “We’re not meant to be Iris. In fact, as far as that other world is concerned, there is no _us._ That guy, that you’ve spent so much time dreaming about—"Barry". He’s not yours to have, Iris. And frankly, neither am I.”

Iris’s ears filled with the sound of glass shattering. She was almost too scared to look down in fear that her body would be as visibly fractured as she felt. Her empty gaze travelled the room, landing on the little picture book she’d held earlier.

“You’re saying you…don’t want me.”

Iris meant to pose the sentence as a question, but they both knew she was acutely aware of the answer.

“Iris,” he whispered, his voice breaking.

She didn’t bother to wipe her tears.

“You were right about one thing,” she said, momentarily meeting his gaze. “I am better off without you.” 

Iris left him standing alone in Barry’s bedroom as she fled. One would think that Iris was used to the pain of being unwanted but as her salty tears left stains on her skin, she knew that nothing could ever be said that would hurt her as much as this.

  
***

Iris returned to the office only after she’d managed to calm down. As she took the steps up to the highest floor, she tried to block out the scene that had unfolded between her and S. She was afraid that his words would haunt her, robbing Iris of whatever peace she’d managed to covet in this special brand of hell.

She pushed open the door to the office and came to a halt when she saw Eva sitting in the chair at the desk.

“There you are,” she said, in a surprisingly cheery voice.

“Here I am,” Iris replied softly.

Eva looked up from the screen at Iris, pulling her lips into a frown.

“What’s the matter?”

Iris shook her head. The last thing she was going to do was share what happened with S. with her. “Nothing.”

Eva rolled her eyes. “You really are a terrible liar. Come on, what is it?” 

Iris’s eyes fell to the floor and she shrugged. “It’s S.”

“Oh dear,” Eva said with a chuckle. “What did he do?” 

Iris shrugged again.

Eva walked over to Iris and placed both her hands on her shoulders. “Listen, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my time away from my husband, it’s that men are like shadows. They’re there for you on a sunny day, when it’s nice out. But when your world turns dark and you need them the most, they’re nowhere to be found.”

Iris nodded wordlessly. That was the absolute shittiest pep talk she’d ever heard. Eva dropped her hands and placed a finger under Iris’s chin, lifting her head up.

“If he’s truly hurt you dear, there’s only one thing you can do. Even the score. Strike him where it’ll hurt the most and then watch him suffer.”

She released Iris and gave her a twisted smile. “That’s exactly what I plan to do the moment I get out of here. Now come on, I could use your help retrieving a piece of equipment I need to finish this prismatic refractor.”

Eva crossed the room and headed down the hall. With a silent huff, Iris followed.


	8. An empty house. A full heart

* * *

It was never meant to come out that way. That’s how it always is though, Savitar thought bitterly to himself. Emotions got in the way, smearing his vision scarlet and in the process, he’d hurt the only person who gave a shit about him—the only person he gave a shit about. Savitar meant what he had said, he’d never willingly hurt Iris. And yet, in the course of a few minutes, he’d managed to do just that.

 _Stupid. God, I’m so fucking stupid!_ Savitar had stayed in the room for what felt like hours after Iris had stormed out. He curled into a ball in Barry’s old bed, pulled the covers up to his chin and discovered numerous and inventive ways to berate and insult himself.

When Savitar couldn’t take it any longer, when sitting still felt like a burden, he tore himself out of the bed and ran from the house. He crossed the city in a little over eight seconds and pulled to a stop at the docks.

Savitar stared out at the calm waters and the vague sense of familiarity returned. He’d been here before, though he wasn’t sure when or for what. But this place felt special, important. For the umpteenth time, he wondered what memories laid trapped in his mind, a few inches out of his reach. Would he ever retrieve them? Or was he doomed to spend the rest of his days locked in a state of nescience?

Savitar walked along the riverbank, staring out at the empty waters. No boats, no seagulls, no people, just a whole lot of quiet.

He was sure to lose his mind in this place.

He could already feel himself slipping into this lull of haziness. It resembled the sensation Savitar would feel right before falling asleep. But strangely enough, Savitar didn’t feel tired, at least not physically. Though he hadn’t properly rested or eaten in several days, his body didn’t feel enervated or malnourished. His brain on the other hand was overwhelmed, plagued by the constant state of alertness. His mind was exhausted.

The only remedy Savitar could think of was to return to the loft to take a calming hot shower, eat some food and then pass out in the inviting bed upstairs.

He ran back to the apartment and let himself in. It was so strange to be in a place he called home and yet, felt no emotional attachment.

Savitar made his way upstairs and into the en-suite bathroom. He stripped off his clothes at super speed, throwing them onto the floor as he stepped into the spacious shower stall. Beneath the spray of steaming water, Savitar began to relax. He rotated his tense muscles and stretched out his long limbs. The shower stall was large enough for two people, designed to be shared.

He took a seat on the quartz bench nestled in the back of the stall and placed his head in his hands, allowing the water to stream through his hair.

Savitar had only meant to provide Iris with a dose of reality that she so badly needed. From what he’d gathered, she’d spent the majority of her life looking in on two people, who had nothing to do with her. A DNA tie and an uncanny resemblance meant nothing if she was locked on this side of the mirror. And he could tell it was hurting her, to constantly watch what she could never have for herself. He wanted to ease some of that pain, not exacerbate it. It was the look on her face, right before she ran from the room that shredded Savitar to pieces. Those eyes of hers, filled with sorrow as tears that he caused flowed freely against her rich brown skin. He’d never meant to harm her.

Savitar shot to his feet, tired of spending time with his thoughts. He reached for the faucet and turned off the water. He stepped out of the shower and looked around the misty bathroom, in search of a towel. He peered into the closet but only found dust. Neither the cabinet below the sink or the installed cabinet above the toilet held anything useful. Savitar spun in a circle, dripping water everywhere as realization dawned. This was the emptiest bathroom he’d ever seen. There wasn’t even toilet paper!

“What the fuck?” he murmured under his breath.

He looked down at his clothes on the ground and thought about slipping back into them. They were sure to smell; he’d run in them all day, but it didn’t seem like he had a choice. Unless…the closet!

Savitar stepped over his clothes and unlocked the door. The cold air kissed his skin, raising goosebumps all over his naked body. He scurried to the closet and shut the door once inside. He ran his hand along the nearest wall and found the light switch.

The walk-in closet was divided in two. One side of the room was filled with clothes and shoes, appearing as though someone regularly used it. The other was completely bare. Savitar walked further in and noticed that the side with all the clothes, belonged to a woman. Shimmery dresses and patterned blouses, skinny jeans and several pairs of heeled black boots. It was as if Savitar had walked into the women’s section at the local department store.

Iris must have stocked her side and since it was only her, felt no need to do the same for the other.

Savitar thumbed through a few pieces, hoping to find a robe or something he could use to cover up with. He pulled a fuzzy beige sweater that’s material mimicked the texture of a towel.

Once he was no longer dripping wet, Savitar tossed the damp sweater onto the grey tufted ottoman. 

Then, there was a noise. A quiet click. Barely audible over his light breathing. Savitar turned just in time to watch Iris breeze into the closet. Their eyes locked and time slowed to a stop. Savitar wasn’t sure if it was because he began moving at superspeed or if he’d actually managed to stop the world around him. Either way, Iris froze in place, her eyes wide and her mouth fixed in the middle of releasing a screech.

He had to think fast! What could he do? He hadn’t moved quickly enough; she’d already seen him. Still, was it better for him to run out like a coward or stay and face impending humiliation?

Though the latter would most likely haunt him for however long his mind had left before succumbing to insanity, Savitar was no coward.

Time resumed.

“God!”

Iris pressed a hand to her chest, dropping the brown paper bag she was holding. She spun on her heel, turning her back to him as her hands flew to her head, slapping over her eyes.

“I’m sorry!”

Savitar fought the urge to cover his manhood. If Iris had spied on their doppelgänger’s nighttime antics, then none of his anatomy would be new to her.

“It’s fine, Iris. Actually, I was looking for some clothes, but it seems there aren’t any in my size.”

Iris nodded, still turned away. “Yeah, I didn’t think to uh— I was the only one here, so I figured…but um…Wait!”

She turned half around, keeping her eyes firmly planted on the ground as she shuffled into the closet. She crouched to the floor and pulled open a drawer. Inside were several pairs of sweatpants. She pulled out a grey pair and straightened. With her eyes averted, she held it out to him. Savitar stepped away from the wall and took the pants.

“They’re Barry’s. My counterpart stole them from him when they first moved in so they should fit you.”  
Savitar nodded. “Thanks!”

As soon as her hand was free, she stepped away, turning her back to him once more.

“Right, um I didn’t know you were going to be here,” she said.

Savitar unfolded the pants and stared at the logo printed on the side. “STAR”, in the same font as the sign outside the lab.

“I thought I could use a shower. But there aren’t any towels. There isn’t anything you need to live here.”

Iris bobbed her head up and down. “Yeah, it’s weird. This side of the mirror is a direct reflection of the other, but we don’t have access to personal belongings. Everything in here, I spent time scavenging around the city.” She bent down and pushed the spilled contents back into the paper bag.

“I know it sounds like a waste of time but, a home shouldn’t be empty, even one lacking its occupants.”

Savitar peered at the back of Iris’s huddled frame and a bout of admiration bloomed in his chest. She was all things good in the endless void that was the dark side of the mirror. He’d never want to taint that. 

“Anyway, I’ll leave you to it,” she replied chagrined, heading for the door.

“Wait! Iris.”

Savitar hopped into the sweatpants and crossed the room in half a millisecond. He placed a hand on her shoulder.

“I wanted to apologize. What I said was inexcusable. I was upset and I took that out on you. I am really sorry.”

Iris nodded, her eyes never leaving the paper bag she hugged to her chest.

“It’s alright. I shouldn’t have equated you to Barry. I would have been just as angry if you told me I wasn’t my own person.”

Savitar leaned forward and plucked the bag from her hands. He stepped away and placed it on the nearby shelf. Then he turned back to her and ran his fingers along her cheek, taking a moment to appreciate the flawlessness of her skin. He gently lifted her face towards his, and their gazes met. He gave her a smile.

“I’m not better off without you, I need you to know that. I don’t even know where I’d be without you. Probably ass naked in a ditch somewhere.”

That pulled a smile onto her face. Her eyes greeted his with the same warmth he’d seen after his powers were restored. A gentle mirth muddled lightly with mischief. This was Iris as she was supposed to be. Happy.

Her eyes leisurely trailed down his torso, lingering on the spot just below his waist. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and Savitar was enraptured by the small movement. 

“They always did look better on you,” she murmured. 

Unable to help himself, Savitar stepped back and placed his hands on his hips, strutting his best pose. He twirled and threw her a wink.

Iris clapped and cheered. “Whoo! Okay, Hottie McThottie!” She laughed.

An ear-to-ear grin covered Savitar’s face as he closed the distance between them and enveloped her in his embrace. He leaned forward, bending at the neck to rest his cheek atop her head. He took a deep breath, revelling in her ambrosial scent.

“Thank you, Iris,” he said.

“What for?”

“Never giving up on me. Even when you probably should.”

He felt her smile against his bare chest. “I could never. You and I are a long-term arrangement kind of thing.”

He pulled back just enough so that he could look at her sweet face. “Did you get a good peak?”

Iris’s jaw detached from her skull once more which elicited a booming laugh from Savitar. She punched him in the arm playfully.

“If you’re going to stick around for the next little while, do me a favour and cover up. You’re going to give the statues around the city a heart attack.”

Savitar shrugged. “Let them enjoy the show.”

She stepped out of his embrace, eyeing him. “I’m serious,” she continued. “Mo-Eva doesn’t need to know you’re circumcised.”

Savitar scratched the back of his neck and chuckled. “Yeah, alright, we’ll keep that our little secret.”  
Iris began towards the door.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“I have something I need to take care of. But I’ll be back.”

He gave her a funny look but nodded. “Okay.”

After a moment of hesitation, Iris walked backwards to him. She took him by the neck and pulled his face down as she lifted onto her toes. She captured his lips with hers and gently dipped her tongue into his mouth. Shivers of electricity coursed through his limbs, awakening all of his senses. Before Savitar could wrap his arms around her and deepen the kiss, Iris pulled away. His lips immediately missed hers, galled at the sudden severance.

“See you soon,” she said.

Savitar watched Iris walk through the door, stunned into silence and extremely turned on. He couldn’t wipe the grin from his face. The things he’d do for that woman!

***

Later that evening, Savitar returned to Eva’s office.

He crept through the door and was relieved to see the room was empty. Savitar wasn’t sure if insanity was contagious, but he didn’t want to put himself at further risk through extended exposure to Eva. He strode towards the mirror and trailed his finger along the marble wall, looking for the hidden button. He felt the slight divot in the wall and pressed down. The entrance formed and Savitar ducked inside.

The small space was even more eerie without Iris by his side, but he quickly pushed those thoughts aside as he made his way over to the suit.

Savitar stood before the monstrosity and glared at the hunk of metal. The craftsmanship was impeccable, Savitar didn’t need his memory to note that. Whoever made this suit was an incredibly gifted engineer. Savitar ran his fingers along the cool metal and electricity coursed through the suit, powering on. Bright blue light streamed through the gaps between the metal plates, bathing the area and Savitar in a brilliant cerulean glow.

Savitar jumped back with a yelp that he’d never admit to making. A quiet hum escaped from the machine. Savitar rounded to the backside and studied the compartment in which he was to get in. He bit his lip and glanced around the room. He was the only one here so if he did anything stupid, at least there was no one to bear witness.

Limb by limb, Savitar slowly lowered himself into the suit. As soon as he placed his head into the headpiece, he heard the whir of the metal snapping shut.

All was dark. Fear gripped Savitar’s throat, squeezing tightly. Then there was a burst of light.

Savitar stared at the room through the mounted display. He feasted his eyes on a panoramic 180°, ultra-high definition, digital projection display. At the top of the screen held his Mach speed, currently resting at zero. Below that was the temperature control gauge, with the index sitting within the green portion. A stripped map of the Central City glowed faintly at the bottom of the display. On the right side, just below the energy gauge was the weapon selection.

The stark image of the three-foot blade impaling Iris’s back flashed through Savitar’s mind. As cool as this suit was, it was undoubtedly dangerous. He vowed then and there that he would never allow himself to operate it within reach of Iris.

Savitar looked for the controls to engage movement. He couldn’t find a joystick or control buttons.

Hmm, maybe its voice activated?

“Suit, stand up!”

The suit didn’t respond. Savitar chortled. Only he could own an armoured suit that he didn’t know how to operate.

Changing tactics, Savitar looked for an eject button and was startled to find that there wasn’t one. How could this suit not have a manual eject button? Was he now permanently stuck in the hunk of metal?

Just my luck, he muttered. He moved his arm and to his utter surprise, the suit’s arm moved with him. Ahh, there it is.

Savitar awkwardly staggered to his feet. The suit mimicked his movements with little to no delay. It felt like Savitar had strapped a thousand-pound plates to his body and yet, the he couldn’t describe the suit as cumbersome. It was an adjustment, that was for sure.

Savitar ambled through the room, quickly getting use to maneuvering within the metal husk. Inside the tight confinement, Savitar felt a surge of power so potent that his every atom felt galvanized. The rush of exhilaration streaming through his veins was enough to force him into a running stride. He zipped out of the building and picked up the pace the moment he hit the pavement. The speedometer read just over Mach 1 but Savitar knew he could go faster. He pushed through, leaning forward and engaging his core as he zoomed through the empty city streets. Savitar reached Mach 3 without noticing. His mind emptied and his thoughts revolved solely around the act of sprinting at superhuman speeds. Nothing could compete with the feeling. It was pure, unadulterated ecstasy.

Savitar could have probably continued running forever but he slowed to a stop at the junction of two streets. The street sign read “Infantino Street”.

Savitar recognized the place from his dream. This was where he murdered Iris. He walked across the grass; towards the steps where she’d dangled helplessly in his grasp. Barry’s futile pleas rang loudly in his ears as he knelt down on the pavement. Savitar heard a clank of metal and the back of the suit unlatched. He pulled himself out of the suit and stood in the same place he’d been before.

His fingers numbed and his legs shook as Savitar pictured himself killing Iris. How could he live with himself knowing that he’d destroyed the most important person in his life? For once, Savitar was glad he didn’t have his memories. He could bask in the bliss of ignorance, praying on the hope that what he’d seen was a twisted and falsified version of the truth.

As Savitar looked down at the suit he noticed a little piece below the left chest plate that didn’t quite match the rest. He knelt and picked at the piece. The plate swung open and a rock like object fell into his hand. It glowed faintly, the same colour as his suit.

“What is this?”

He ran his thumb over the jagged edge, trying to come up with a reason as to why this rock was attached to the suit and more importantly, why Savitar felt drawn to it.

Savitar got to his feet. He slid back into his suit and ran to Eva’s office. Perhaps he could find a few answers to his questions there.


	9. All Our Missing Pieces

* * *

3:02, July 2nd,2017

Iris stared at the digital clock on the wall in the abandoned warehouse. Two days had passed since her last trip but to Iris, it hadn’t been more than fourteen hours. She gathered her things and swiftly left the warehouse. In the early hours of the morning, the city was almost as quiet as the one she called home.

For once, Iris didn’t stop by Jitters, even to peer through the windows. She had to focus on her plan. Get in, get out. Simple.

Once she’d arrived at the apartment building, Iris jumped through a portal and scaled up the side of the building. She entered the loft through the mirror standing in the corner of the living room.

She spied around the dark common room. Barry and Iris were sure to be asleep upstairs.

All she had to do was slip into the room, pull the other Iris into a portal without being detected by Barry. Then she’d finally face her counterpart.

Iris had decided that the easiest way to kill her was to lock her in the mirror verse, far from Eva or S. There she would stay, helplessly attempting to escape the inescapable purgatory that Iris had been forced to endure.

After a few days, when her body weakened and her spirit broken, she’d run a blade across her dainty throat and put that Iris to rest once and for all. Then, and only then, could she finally be free.

A light switch flipped, and the dining area was bathed in a warm yellow glow. Barry appeared, pulling a faded t-shirt over his head. He walked into the common room, yawning and scratching the back of his disheveled hair. He padded over to the fridge and grabbed himself a bottle of water. Iris’s heart fluttered as it did every time she watched the man she’d loved from afar. He now sported purple bags under his weary eyes and a frown on his pursed lips. He moved throughout the room slowly, his gait lacking its usual bounce.

When was the last time Barry had gotten a proper night’s sleep?

Barry pulled up a chair and sat down at the dining table. He rubbed his hands along his ashen face and shook his head. Then he reached for the laptop and logged in.

Iris had never seen Barry look so depleted, like the essence of his spirit was trickling down an invisible drain. Even the torturous event of his father’s passing hadn’t rendered him so lifeless.

Curious to know more, Iris travelled to the nearest window. She wanted to know what was keeping Barry up all night and why. From her new vantage point, she was able to stick out her head and peer over Barry’s shoulder without being seen.

Barry pulled open a word document. At the top of the page; in Arial font was the word “Vows”.

Barry hit the _enter_ key and flexed his fingers over the keyboard.

“Okay Allen,” he breathed, cracking his knuckles. “You got this. From the heart.”

Barry rested his fingers over the keys and paused. Iris stuck out her head a bit further to make sure she wouldn’t miss anything.

Barry sucked in a breath and got to typing.

When I think about the pivotal moments in my life, I am usually filled with sadness. As many of you know, I’ve had to endure the loss of loved ones from a very young age and I believe those moments, painful as they may have been, shaped me into the man I am today. I’d like to remind you of one of those moments. It was my second week at P.S.23 and I had garnered exactly zero friends. Turns out being a nerd wasn’t exactly a high commodity at the time. It was a Monday morning when Mr. Hinkley stood in front of the class and introduced us to the new buddy system. His hope was that we’d work better in pairs and collectively raise the class average. I was so nervous, terrified really that no one would want to be my partner. And then the prettiest girl I’d ever seen walked right up to my desk, holding her math textbook in one hand and a superman pencil case in the other and said, “You look smart so I want you to be my partner.” In retrospect, Iris was unquestionably using me for my nerdy brain but if I’m being honest, I didn’t mind. Because, I got to spend every day with the coolest person on the planet. She was smart and funny and addicted to mint chocolate chip ice cream. She filled every room with light. Little did I know that she was a blessing, a life float for me to grab onto to weather the oncoming storm. And though we were young, I knew there wasn’t a facet of life that I wanted to experience without her. I knew from the start, in the same moment she sat down next to me, that it was Iris. It’s always been Iris…

Barry pulled his fingers from the keys and let out a grunt of frustration. He highlighted the blurb and pressed delete. Iris almost let out an audible gasp.

She clamped a hand over her mouth. In that moment, she wanted nothing more than to step out of the mirror and take him by the shoulders to shake some sense into him. He was overthinking it. Iris knew that no matter what he said, her counterpart would love it, but even so, he was on the right track. And now, it was all gone.

Barry minimized the document and pulled up the window’s cloud account. He scrolled through and came to a stop. His cursor hovered over a file titled “For Barry”. With knit brows, Barry clicked open the file.

The media player popped open and Iris’s face filled the screen.

“Hi Barry, um…there’s something that I need to say to you.”

Barry leaned back in the chair crossing his arms over his chest. He wore that small smile that always slipped onto his lips whenever he saw her.

“I love you. And if something happens, I need you to hear this.”

Iris smiled at the camera and Barry tucked his chin into the crook of his thumb, rubbing his stubbly skin thoughtfully. Iris wished she could know what thoughts were running through his mind at that moment.

“I, Iris Ann west, take you Bartholomew Henry Allen to be my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward. In sickness and in health. To love and to cherish. Until death do us part.”

Barry smiled and shook his head lightly.

“I just wanted to make sure that you got to hear me say the words. And I hope you never have to see this and that when I recite my vows to you, it’ll be in front of all our friends and family at the church. But, we don’t know what the future holds and I can’t guarantee that I’ll be by your side on our wedding day but…Bear, I wouldn’t trade in a single moment with you. I am so lucky to have you in my life, no matter how short it may be. Thank you for granting me the honor of being your lightening rod. I love you Care-Bear. Always.” 

With a teary smile, Iris froze on the screen as the video ended. Barry sat in silence staring at the picture of his fiancée. He blinked slowly and his cheeks flushed. Iris knew what was coming, she’d seen it a few times before, but it never ceased to bring her soul crashing to its knees.

He covered his face with his hands and screwed his lips shut to stifle his raspy whimpers. Iris had to fight the instinct to plop out of the mirror and go to him. To wrap her arms around his heaving shoulders and press her cheek against his. She wanted to offer him the comfort that he so desperately needed.

But it wasn’t her place.

And Barry wasn’t hers to have. At least, not yet.

He didn’t stay there long, perhaps a few minutes. Then he gathered himself up and closed the laptop. As he climbed to his feet, Iris walked into view.

“Bear?” She groaned groggily, rubbing her eyes.

He crossed the room at once. “Did I wake you?”

She shook her head and allowed Barry to take her in his arms.

“I woke up and you were gone,” she murmured, partially muffled by his chest.

Barry straightened, smoothing a hand over her hair. “I’m right here.”

The other Iris drew her hand along his shoulder up to his cheek, rubbing her thumb along the skin that was drenched only moments before.

Iris bristled at the action, her stomach churning with resentment.

“Are you okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I was just uh…yawning. I guess I’m more tired than I thought.”

“Of course, you are! Bear you’ve been running yourself down these past few days. I’m worried about you.”

Barry released a cynical chuckle. “Only you Iris—Your life is being threatened and you’re worried about me?”

Iris’s mouth fell ajar. They couldn’t possibly know about her plan so who else had it out for her counterpart?

The other Iris shrugged, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Old habits I suppose. But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re running on fumes. Please slow down Bear, for me?”

He leaned forward, closing the distance between their lips. “You know I’d do anything for you Iris. Anything.”

He pressed his mouth to hers. His hands settled on her waist, pulling her body in closer. A persistent pinching flared in Iris’s throat as she watched the pair fall into one another. Their twin moans filled the room and coated Iris emerald with envy.

“Anything?” The other Iris murmured.

He nodded without hesitancy.

“Well, now that you mention it,” she smirked. “There are a few things on my bucket list that we have yet to try. I think it’s about time you and I attempted...the magic mountain.”

Barry’s eyebrows shot to his hair line and his cheeks colored crimson. “Oh, really?”

Iris nodded coyly, her hands dipping into the waistband of his boxers. “Unless you’d rather sleep.”

“No!” Barry shook his head vehemently. “No, here I’ll meet you upstairs.”

He gave her a chaste kiss and stepped away. Iris eyed him for a long moment and then nodded.“Don’t keep me waiting Mr. Allen.”

The other Iris rounded the corner as she climbed up the stairs. A few seconds later, her satin slip fluttered through the air and landed in a heap on the floor. Barry looked at the piece of cloth and smirked. He walked over to the laptop and quickly exited out of the video. He logged off and went to retrieve Iris’s slip. Barry held the cloth to his face, taking in a deep breath. Then he raced up the stairs. There was the click of a shut door.

Iris stepped out of the mirror and onto solid ground.

What could she do now? The other Iris had ruined her plan. She was supposed to be asleep, she needed to be unconscious for Iris to grab her. But now, her counterpart was otherwise preoccupied with satisfying her hyperactive libido. She couldn’t bust in on them and whisk Iris away, at least not without Barry seeing. Her plan had failed. She had failed.

Iris released a breath of exasperation. Not that her failure mattered much apparently since there was already someone else vying to commit her murder. Iris pulled open the laptop, hoping to find some answers. She sifted through a few files and skimmed several text threads. She found a thread between Wally and Iris from the night before.

Iris: “Are you still meeting me at Jitters?”

Wally: “Yeah, I’m running a lil late lol. I’ll be there.”

Iris: “For someone so fast, you’re SO slow!”

Wally: “Ha Ha. I promised you I’ll be there. I’d never miss our training sesh.”

Iris: “Savitar won’t know what hit him.”

Wally: “He’ll definitely wish he’d never come out of the SF.”

Iris: Periodtt!

Savitar? _Savitar_?

Iris knew that name, though she couldn’t place it.

 _Savitar_?

She pressed a hand to her forehead and scrunched up her face in concentration.

It took Iris a minute, but the tail end of her counterpart’s phone call came to mind.

_“Me? Dad, I’m fine. I know the team’s working around the clock on this. We’ll find something to beat Savitar…. I’m sure…Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you too.”_

All the tears, all the blank stares and worried glances amounted to this. Iris’s prophesied murder.

Iris shut the laptop with a bit more force than necessary. She should have been happy, ecstatic really. She could reap the benefits of Iris’s murder without having to get her hands dirty.

Still, a gnawing sense of acrimony bore heavily on her chest. The prospect of someone else taking Iris’s life felt wrong. The thought of her suffering because of someone else’s sadistic desires was unconscionable. Perhaps it was spite or a twisted perversion that infuriated Iris but as she listened to her counterpart engaged in the throes of passion, she knew with complete certainty that the only way the other Iris would die, was by her hands.

It was senseless and counterproductive, but Iris had made up her mind. 

She would kill this Savitar if it meant saving her counterpart.

***

Iris stood in Eva’s office, persistently studying the mirror. The moment she got back, she glued herself to the side of the desk, sifting through the surprisingly mundane lives of Team Flash. She started with Cisco, hoping that he would provide some insight about Savitar. However, his workaholic ways didn’t seem to extend to his personal life; as he’d been too busy tinkering with his vibe goggles to care about Iris’s fate. Caitlin was no use either, parading around an abandoned warehouse as Killer Frost. Joe was spending more time at the police station than usual, staring blankly at his computer screen wearing the grimace of a man who was about to lose his only daughter. Wally had devoted himself to training, spending hours at a time in the speed lab. Barry and Iris divided their time between cuddling at the loft and working at the lab. Nothing about their lives was remotely useful until she remembered that she’d forgotten a crucial member of the team.

Wells.

She pictured the strange man she bumped into at Cisco’s workshop and he appeared in the mirror. He sat in the lounge, holding up a recording device that looked awfully similar to a regular ballpoint pen.

“Entry AAA:6. My time here on this earth has provided me with the opportunity to be the man I had always aspired to be. Someone with purpose, who held value to those around him. A man who could contribute more than just witty quips and a vast array of stellar cups of coffee. Between working with the man in red, learning from Francisco’s brilliance and earning the affections of one beautiful, captivating, Tracy Brand, I have almost too much information to incorporate into my novel. Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine that I would be a part of such a daring and heroic group of young people. Dare I say it, they possess the ability to not only alter the future to save Miss Iris West, but to ensure the advancement of scientific minds everywhere. And though I have yet to prove the extent of my worth to the team, I know that with every day that passes, I grow fonder of each of my colleagues. My friends.

Which is why I have to believe that Iris West will obtain her happy ending. The team will save the day, Savitar will be defeated and peace will be restored.” 

He paused, staring at the blank wall as the invisible gears in his head turned.

“Although, I have to say, Savitar being an evil Barry is absolute GOLD for the third act! I believe that Iris running off with Barry’s evil doppelgänger would provide the twist ending that would put me on the Central City’s bestsellers list. Brian Almighty! The critics will eat it up!”

He jumped from his chair and proceeded to do the strangest dance Iris had ever seen. He tipped his hat at himself and then strutted out of the room.

Iris stared at the empty space, confounded but satisfied. She’d acquired the information she needed. She knew Savitar’s identity.

It was as if her mind had called out to him.

Iris looked over her shoulder just as he whooshed into the room, pulling to a skidding stop a few feet behind her. 

She folded her arms over her chest, refusing to turn around. She wasn’t entirely sure she could face him.

“Iris, I have to tell you something. I found something that I think may be useful!”

She could hear Eva's voice echoing in her head; "even the score. Strike him where it’ll hurt the most and then watch him suffer." Iris’s lips set in a firm line as she steeled herself for what came next. 

“I should have known. I should have put it together sooner. _S?_ Not Sam or Simon. S! It was right in front of me all along and I was too blinded by you to see it. But, I’m seeing crystal clear now.”

She turned on her heel, forcing herself to facing him. He sported a look of confusion Iris admired for the briefest of moments. Her lion in sheep's clothing. 

“I just want to know why.”

He stepped forward; his hands held out as if to usher her into his arms. “Why what? Iris what’s going on?”

Her lips contorted into a smile of contempt. “Why you would want to kill her.”

With the wave of her hand, the mirror shifted to a picture of Iris ordering coffee at Jitters. 

He shook his head, peering at the mirror. “I don’t understand.”

“No, I suppose you wouldn’t. Let me clue you in. You’re trying to kill my counterpart and you don’t even know why. But, it doesn’t even matter because I won’t let you, _Savitar_.”

He froze, his mouth fell open, his eyes widened. Iris tilted her head ever so slightly and felt the tingles run down her arms as they morphed into razor sharp blades.

This time she wouldn’t hesitate. This time she would not fail.


	10. The Reflection In Your Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair Warning: this chapter gets a little bit smutty, if that isn't your thing please skim over it. I'm pretty unfamiliar with the erotic genre so please don't expect too much. I wasn't sure how far to take it but I figured better safe than sorry. 
> 
> Just a reminder, these characters are extremely dysfunctional and messy. Their actions should be taken lightly. A bit of a longer chapter but I think it's worth it :) Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!

* * *

“IRIS!”

She charged at him with the brazen resolve of a general leading his battalion into war. She was quick, faster than Savitar expected. He sprang back, narrowly missing the tip of her blade.

“IRIS STOP!” 

He ran to the other side of the room, hoping distance would provide him the opportunity to speak long enough to stop her in her bloodthirsty pursuit.

“I didn’t know it was her! I thought it was you in the dream,” he said quickly.

Iris crept towards him, her arms up, looking for the next in.

“You have to believe me!”

“Why?” She spat.

He held his arms out in a show of surrender and it took him only two thirds of a second to realize his mistake.

She lurched forward, slicing her blade through the air and cutting the skin along his left forearm. Savitar snatched his hand back, nursing his wound against his chest. His adrenaline dampened the sting to a tolerable throb. A smattering of blood seeped into his shirt and he was glad he’d picked out a black button down on his way over here. 

“Because I’m not lying! Iris I don’t want to hurt you!”

She straightened for a moment, her dark gaze colliding with his. “You don’t want to hurt me, but you want to kill her?”

He shook his head. “No! I don’t, at least—I don’t think so.”

“But you’re going to. That’s what they’re all preparing for. _Her_ death.”

“Which, as far as I’m concerned, has nothing to do with me!”

She cocked her head to a side, appearing somewhat stumped. “Are you not Savitar?”

The name washed over him like warm water, encrusting him in that nagging familiarity he’d grown indifferent towards. He was tired of feeling like he’d experienced something without knowing why. But the moment she’d said that name, there was no doubt in his mind. He was Savitar. And just as he was sure of his name, he was also certain that the last thing he’d want to do was hurt Iris—in any way—ever again.

“Well?”

He nodded, swallowing thickly. “I am. I don’t know how I know or why, but I-I just do.”

She flicked the hair that had fallen into her eye with the edge of her blade. She moved so gracefully, as if she’d been training with those weapons all her life.

“Then I can’t let you live.”

Her resolve was astounding. There were no remnants of the woman who’d kissed him earlier, just a cold-hard shell glaring gravely at him.

She flicked her arm and the glass from the mirror on the wall shattered. Savitar jumped out of the way, staring at her wildly. She smirked.

“You’ve showed me yours. Let me show you mine.”

Pieces of glass lifted from the ground and soared towards him. Savitar raced across the room, ducking so that the pieces would shatter against the wall. He pushed back onto his feet, facing her. He had to try one last time.

“I meant it Iris, I’m not going to fight back. But you’ve got to stop.”

Her eyes narrowed. “I don’t want to do this. You’ve forced my hand.”

“No,” he said, his tone softening. “I haven’t. What you’re doing is of your own volition.”

Her nose flared with fury. “Because you’ve given me no choice!”

Savitar felt a stabbing pain explode in the back of his thigh, so acute it almost knocked him flat off his feet. He looked down and a piece of the vase behind him was now lodged into his skin. Biting back a curse, he yanked the shard out and folded his fist around it. Blood poured from his wound, coating his leg before dripping quietly to the floor.

“This is what you want?” He asked her, through gritted teeth. 

Iris dropped her hands, staring at the puddle of blood collecting next to his feet. “I…Yes.”

He nodded. “Fine! If you’re going to kill me, earn it.”

Savitar raced from the room, pulling out onto the street in a couple of milliseconds. He wasn’t sure where he was going and the wound in his leg was sure to slow him down, but he knew one thing was for sure. If he spent any longer in that room, he’d end up dead.

***

Outrunning Iris was proving to be a bit more difficult than Savitar expected. She’d pop up out of any reflective surface and it was only Savitar’s speedy reflexes that kept him from racing right into her. He ran along the downtown core, but there were too many mirrors for her to travel through. She kept getting the jump on him and he narrowly escaped twisting his ankle in order to avoid running directly into a water fountain.

He needed to go somewhere she was at a disadvantage. But where?

An idea drifted into his mind and he made a split decision.

Savitar changed course, travelling towards STAR labs. He ran directly into the building and came to a stop outside of the time vault. Iris walked out of the cortex, heading his way.

“Giving up already?” She asked, trailing one of her blades along the concrete wall as she approached him.

Savitar shook his head. Just a little closer.

“I didn’t think you’d be so easily defeated. It’s kinda disappointing.”

A few more steps. Three…two…one.

Savitar placed his hand on the wall, opening up the door to the time vault. He stepped through. Iris only had a few seconds to make her way inside before the door closed. She booked it for the entryway but wasn’t fast enough. The door shut, snagging the fabric of her top. With a loud ripping sound, the fabric tore. Iris gasped and Savitar was tempted to rush over to her to make sure she hadn’t been harmed.

Iris twisted her body and with a grunt, stepped forward. Her tank top ripped further and with a few muttered curses, she cut off the rest. The remains of her top fell to the floor in jagged shreds. Panting lightly, she faced him.

Savitar’s mind had never been so divided. He wanted to focus on veering her off her war path, ridding her eyes of the bloodlust that painted them charcoal. But he couldn’t think more than a few words at a time without his mind wandering to the delicate lines of her chest. Her lacey bra, ruby red, had a flowery pattern that looked delectable against her warm umber skin. He trailed the rise and fall of her exposed mounds and suppressed a groan that built up in his throat.

“I get it. You thought you’d be safe in here because there are no reflective surfaces. Smart.”

Savitar raised his eyes to meet hers. “I figured we could level the playing field.”

She scoffed, motioning between them with her hand. “What about this is fair?”

Savitar pushed the hair out of his eyes as he glanced around the small room. Anything to take his mind off of her. 

“I don’t get it, Iris. Isn’t this what you wanted?”   
Her brows furrowed. “What?”

“You claimed you wanted her dead. You said that there could only be one. So why are you so mad now?”

Iris shook her head, releasing an irate breath. “You wouldn’t understand.”

He shrugged. “Make me! Make me understand Iris!”

Her blades transformed back into her arms. She wrapped them tightly around her midsection. “I have been tortured here in this hell for almost three years. You could never know what it’s like watching someone else live the life I’ve never been given the chance to experience. That Iris has everything I’ve ever wanted. A life, friends, family, a true love, happiness. And I’ve resented her for it every single day! And now, I have the chance to take it from her, to make her life my own. And I deserve the satisfaction of doing it myself. I don’t want you to do it or Eva or anyone. I have to be the one. Me! It’s _mine_.”

Her fury wasn’t surprising in the least. Savitar understood it, perhaps not the specifics but the basis of her anger, tainted with that bitter hint of injustice felt almost like second nature. 

“I get that Iris but at the end of the day, does it really matter as long as you get what you want?”

She nodded. “Of course, it does! I want her to experience even a fraction of what I’ve been through. And you’re trying to take that away from me.”

He didn’t know what to say. They were discussing the future as though it was the present. Savitar couldn’t kill Iris’s counterpart from inside the mirror and he needed to remind her of that. But first…

He began unbuttoning his shirt. He shrugged it off and then stepped forward, holding it out to her.

“Take it,” he said when she didn’t move.

She shook her head. “I don’t want it.”

The shirt dangled between them. “Don’t worry, the blood dried on the way over here.”

“That’s not what I meant,” she replied dryly.

“I know,” he said, keeping his gaze on the spot just above her head. “Take it.”

“No.”

He was getting frustrated, in more ways than one. “Iris take the goddamned shirt!”

“Why?”

Savitar lowered his gaze to hers, his cheeks aflame. The tight room suddenly felt like a sauna. He could already feel beads of sweat collecting at his temples. “You know why.”

In the silence, she tilted her head to a side, feigning bewilderment.

“I can’t…think with you like… _that_.”

With small steps, she began to close the distance between them. “What do you crave more? Hmm? Fucking the other Iris over or…”

There was now less than a meter of space between them. Savitar felt the need to back up into the wall behind him but he didn’t want to give her the gratification of cornering him.

“…fucking me?”

It was all too much. The look on her face, a cross between erotic desire and shameless arrogance paired with the blaring fact that they were both half naked and standing within arm’s reach, was causing Savitar’s brain to overload.

He scrunched his shirt into a ball and tossed it to her. She caught it with ease, holding it against her chest.

“So, what? Now you’re trying to seduce me?” He scoffed, running a hand roughly through his hair. They itched to touch her and he needed to do something with them. 

“If you prefer, I can go back to killing,” she replied coyly.

A smirk crawled onto Savitar’s face. “I’d like to see you try.”

Iris’s eyebrow rose. “Don’t think I won’t.”

“I haven’t been here long, and I don’t remember any version of you from before but, what I do know is that you can put on a brave face and spit some menacing threats, but you’re no killer Iris. Not in this dimension or the next.”

She shook her head, but he could already see her resolve crumbling. “I wouldn’t be so sure.”

“Then go on,” he said spreading out his arms. “Kill me. Here and now. I won’t resist. Ram that blade right through my heart and leave me to bleed out on the floor.”

Savitar patted his chest for emphasis. Iris stared at him with the same rage he’d seen in Eva’s office, only this time it was diluted with apprehension.

“Do it,” Savitar jeered.

A very small, masochistic part of him hoped she would. That way he couldn’t do any more damage to anyone else, least of all her. A few more moments passed, and he stepped forward, leaned his head down and breathed her in. The growing mound in his pants twitched. 

“That’s what I thought. You’re many things Iris, but a murderer isn’t one of them.”

Savitar knew there was more to killing than just taking a life. There’s a darkness, a gross all-encompassing black hole that swallows you up until nothing of you remains. Until the parts of who you were are completely gone. Irretrievable. Out of reach. Savitar didn’t want that for her. Not for the woman he loved so desperately.

She lowered her face, obscuring his view of her as her hair fell forward. “I’m a failure,” she mumbled, so quietly that he almost didn’t catch it.

He gave in to his desires, brushing his fingers along the exposed skin of her shoulders. “No, no you’re not. I don’t know how you could even get that notion in your head.”

“It’s true. Eva said so and now I’ve proved her right.”

He bit back a chuckle. “Firstly, Eva’s got a few loose screws, so I’d take anything she says with a grain of salt. Secondly, just cause you’re too good, your heart too pure to be a cold-blooded killer doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It means you’re human. And a good one. Unlike me.”

“If I can’t do it…” She blew a drawn-out breath, tickling the skin at the base of his neck. “…If I can’t bring myself to…will you?”

He lifted her head so he could search her face for some indication as to what she wanted. Truly wanted. Behind the resentment and hatred. But reading Iris was like reading a sign through a lens out of focus. The words were there but they were too blurry to make out. Even riddled with uncertainty, he knew he would do anything for her. All she had to do was ask.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?”

She pulled her lower lip between her teeth and nodded.

“Then I’ll do it for you.”

Iris allowed the shirt in her hand to flutter to the floor before wrapping them around the nape of his neck. Her fingers threaded through his hair, lightly massaging the base of his scalp.

“I want you to do something else first,” she hummed.

“Name it.”

“Kiss me.”

His body begged to oblige. With her mouth a mere millimetre from his, he almost caved.

“Not here.”

She pouted but didn’t get the chance to reply. In a fluid motion, Savitar swept her up in his arms and raced from the room. He moved so swiftly, even he was surprised by how fast they’d reached the loft. He placed Iris down in the bedroom and shrugged.

“I figured we should go somewhere a little more comfortable.” 

Iris’s fingers met his skin, dragging along his bare torso.

“You’re so hot,” she murmured.

A slanted grin covered his lips. “Thanks.”   
She shook her head. “Not like that. In temperature. You’re burning up.”

He could feel it, his skin was unnaturally warm. It was as if someone had loaded his veins with magma. 

“I don’t know why,” he replied, abashed.

Iris’s wandering fingers fell below his waistline, cupping the ever-expanding bulge. “I’d like to believe it has something to do with me.”

Savitar nodded, taking her face in his hands. “I’d be lying if I said it didn’t.”

Their lips finally met. Starved from the lack of contact, he took no time to slip his tongue against the seal of her lips. With a small sigh, they parted and Savitar’s knees almost buckled. She tasted of early spring, blossoms and honey suckle. Her warm mouth molded to his, like two puzzle pieces falling into place. He planned to gorge himself on her, to enjoy the five-course meal that was her ravishing body. Only after he’d worshipped at the altar of her womanhood.

Savitar trailed kisses along her cheek to the curve of her ear. His tongue peeked out, prodding the cushiony skin of her earlobe. Her needy whimpers stimulated his every nerve.

“Take your clothes off.”

When Savitar spoke, his voice was all base. A deep rumble in the bottom of his throat, escaping through quivering lips. Iris tore away from him, moving towards the bed. Her nimble fingers worked on the buttons of her pants. The tantalizing sound of her unzipping fly would be etched into his memory; he was sure of it. And when her pants were finally gone, and she stood before him in a lacy two piece, Savitar knew that heaven wasn’t a place amongst the clouds but rather, the pits and valleys of Iris West’s naked body.

“I’ve waited so long for you,” her sultry voice slipped into his palpitating heart.

Her bra fell to the floor.

Savitar drank her in, the darkened skin of her exquisite areolas, standing at attention for him. The fullness of her supple chest swayed with every minuscule movement. He’d lay kisses over every inch of her breasts until they were coated in love bites.

Iris hooked her thumbs through the waistband of her panties, sliding them down her long, luscious legs. He was surprised to see her mostly bare, apart from a small triangle of hair at the center of her mound.

Savitar sucked in a sharp breath. “You’re perfect.”

The grin that pulled her lips apart possessed the ability to rid the world of all sin. It was the kind of smile that wars were fought over. The kind from the fairy tales and stories of folklore. The kind of smile that could end Savitar’s life or start it anew.

“Savitar?”

He blinked, meeting her eyes. Her lips widened.

“Are you really just going to stand there and stare?”

He chuckled, making his way to her in a blink.

“No, but I do enjoy studying art.”

His fingers grazed her hips, feathery light. Iris yelped a piercing cry and fell back onto the bed. She looked at him, rubbing the spot where he’d touched her.

“Oh my—did you…electrocute me?”

“What? No. I don’t think…um?”

She shook her head. “It was like…a static shock, but stronger.”

Savitar cursed the fates for his abilities. What good is running at superspeed if it meant he couldn’t touch Iris without hurting her?

His eyes fell to the floor. He’d ruined the moment. “I’m sorry Iris.”

He heard the mattress springs groan as she climbed off the bed. “Don’t be. You can’t control it.”

Searing anger shot through him, pushing him further from her. He couldn’t have her, not even on this side of the mirror.

“I was stupid to even think that I could…forget it.”   
“No, no, no,” Iris ran towards him. He ducked out of the way before she could touch him.

“Don’t ruin this. I still want to try! Please!”

Savitar began towards the closet. He could slip into one of the shirts he’d piled on his side. And then…well he wasn’t exactly sure what he’d do next.

“You’re just going to walk away as if nothing happened? As if we weren’t just about to make—

“Don’t,” he interrupted her, cruel misery slipping in the place of his concupiscence. “Don’t add insult to injury.”

She sailed across the room but stopped short of touching him. “Please!” 

He shook his head again. “I keep hurting you. It’s like the harder I try not to, the more I do.”   
“You didn’t. I’m fine.”   
“Don’t lie to me,” he growled, his hand on the closet’s handle. He didn’t bother to look at her as he threw open the door and headed inside. On his side of their closet, Savitar dipped into the drawer to pull out a T-shirt.

“I think we’ve hurt each other equally at this point,” Iris continued, sounding more frustrated with every word.

“It’s not the same,” he muttered.

“Why?”

He tutted in annoyance before slipping into the shirt.

“We have an expiration date. _This_ isn’t going to last forever. Soon, you’ll be out of this dimension and out of my reach and I won’t ever get the chance to have you to myself again. Are you really going to stand there and deny me?”

It was getting harder for Savitar to ignore her pleas. Could he submit to her knowing he was putting her in intentional danger? Could he be that selfish?

Lost in his thoughts, Savitar didn’t hear Iris creep up behind him. She grabbed him by the hand, twirling his body to face hers. Iris pressed his palm to her cheek, nuzzling her nose into it.

“See? You aren’t going to hurt me.”

Savitar shook his head, somewhat unconvinced. “I don’t think—

She tugged his thumb between her pillowy lips, swirling her tongue along the pad of his fingertip. Searing heat shot down to his groin, causing it to strain almost painfully against its cage of cloth.

With a loud pop, she released his finger.

“You’re not going to take this moment from me, I won’t allow it.”

Savitar couldn’t help but smile. “You won’t?”

She shook her head, pulling at the waistband of his pants.

“I would have never pegged you as the type to indulge in sadomasochism.”

Iris shrugged. “There’s a lot you have yet to learn about me.”

Iris pushed down his pants, revealing his throbbing erection. Her eyes drew downwards, staring at him for what felt like ten thousand years. Her tongue peeked out and swirled along her lips as if she had just sat down for a scrumptious Sunday dinner. Tentatively, she grazed her fingers along his shaft. Savitar inhaled sharply. Iris possessed the ability to bring him to his knees with a single touch.

Their lips found each other’s as Savitar pulled her in further. His fingers wandered down her stomach and towards her core. He pressed two fingers between Iris’s slick folds, locating her most sensitive spot.

“God,” she moaned, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Hold on tight,” he murmured.   
She released his erection, bringing her arms around his neck. He started off slowly at first, vibrating just enough to elicit a few sinuous sounds. Then Savitar picked up the pace, rubbing her in a circular motion. Iris’s knees buckled and Savitar wound his other arm around her waist.

“Oh…my…please don’t…stop.”

She panted desperately. Her legs began trembling almost as intensely as his fingers. He knew she was close, as her moans grew breathier, burdened with pleasure.

“I’m…I’m...”

He nodded, pressing a kiss to her head. “Cum on Iris.”

She flicked his ear at his pun but was too preoccupied to reply.

Iris lowered her head, sinking her teeth into his shoulder as she cried out. Her thighs clamped together, making it difficult for Savitar to continue but somehow, he managed.

It was a minute before Iris stilled in his grasp. He felt her lips trail along his skin.

“Again.”

Savitar pulled her into his arms and raced to the bed, lightening crackling brightly around the lovers. The next few hours were spent exploring each other, committing every curved line and straight angle to memory. And when Savitar plunged into Iris, he’d know it was worth it. Every blissful second.

***

When Savitar’s heart rate returned to normal and their sweaty, fatigued bodies disentangled, he peered over at Iris dozing lightly next to him. Curled in a ball, her eyes shifted rapidly behind her lids and Savitar wondered what she could be dreaming about.

He was torn. Staying here with Iris on this side of the mirror provided benefits Savitar couldn’t keep himself from considering. He could have a life with Iris, a quiet and content existence. No fear, no drama, no worries. Aside from the occasional migraine, Savitar could be happy here.

But could he proceed with his life whilst missing the identity of the person he used to be? To let go of all of the life held by that man for the new, blissfully unaware man he was becoming.

Was it fair to him to start a new chapter without finishing the previous?

Iris stirred, nuzzling into the pillow. Her hand slid up his shoulder and rested lightly on his chest.

He could forget the glowing rock and the high-tech suit. Hell, he could forget the existence of his counterpart and the lives of those on the other side of the mirror.

All so he could have her to himself.

Her dazed murmuring pulled Savitar from his thoughts. He gazed down at her sleeping form.

“Mmmm, this is what it’s like,” she mused, her fingers curling on his skin. “To have someone who’s just right.”

Savitar leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead. He couldn’t agree more.


	11. A Chance at Freedom

* * *

Iris pulled her blouse over her head and untucked her wavy locks from underneath the collar. She glanced at herself in the mirror. Of course, she knew that having sex wouldn’t drastically alter her appearance, but she could have sworn that her skin seemed brighter, her eyes illuminated with a glimmer of light that wasn’t there before. She certainly felt differently, having shared her most intimate parts with someone else. And though she’d witnessed making love with him through the glass, it was incomparable to feeling it first-hand. It was hard for her to describe but one word came to mind; euphoria.

Iris stepped away from the mirror and walked out of the closet. Savitar sat on the edge of the bed, slipping into his shoes.

“Are you sure you want to leave?” He asked as he glanced at her. “I wouldn’t mind spending a little longer in bed.”

Iris chuckled. “Why doesn’t that shock me? But Eva would come knocking eventually and I would rather not have her stumble upon us…between the sheets.”

Savitar stood, facing her. He pulled her into his arms, wrapping her up in his warm embrace.

“Would it be crazy if I wanted to stay here, like this…forever.”

A wry smile pulled at Iris’s lips. “I know it’s good—better than good, great! Really, but there are other things to life than sex.”

He pulled away to look her in the eyes. “I didn’t mean the bedroom precisely, but here, as in this place.”

Iris cocked her head in confusion. “You want to stay in the mirror-verse?”

He ran the back of his fingers along her cheekbone, smiling. “I want to stay with you.”

Iris’s heart swelled with a love she only knew to be unrequited. Until now, that is.

“That’s sweet, truly. But you can’t stay here. You know that.”

He shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”

Iris’s eyes widened. “Because you’re not compatible with this dimension! You might lose your mind.”

“Might,” he told her. “And I’m willing to take that chance.”

She pulled away from him, stepping out of his embrace. His arms fell to his side as Iris shook her head. This wasn’t right.

“You can’t. I won’t let you.”

He let out a note of humorless laughter. “You won’t let m— Iris, it’s not entirely your decision. I love you. I want to be with you. Why are you opposed to this?”

She scoffed at her own stupidity. If only she hadn’t lied, she could have suggested that they escape to the other side and live out the fantasy she’d been dreaming from the moment she opened her eyes. But, it was too late for that now. Unless…

“What if we could live on the other side of the mirror?”

He rolled his eyes. “Iris, that’s highly unlikely. And I’d rather not waste whatever time we do have on a fruitless endeavor.”

“There could be a way,” she insisted.

Savitar pursed his lips, scratching the back of his neck. “Aren’t you happy with what we have here?”

She took his hand. “Of course I am, but we can’t build a life here. This place—this purgatory isn’t where we can live out our happily ever after. Not when it’s destroying you mentally.”

“It’s so much more complicated out there. Iris, we’d have to kill the other versions of us and then, what? Assume their places? Live their lives?”  
It was her turn to shrug. “Would that be so bad?”

He faced away from her completely. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

Iris wringed her fingers and nodded, even though he couldn’t see it. “Yes.”

He shot her a quick glance over his shoulder. “Okay.”  
Savitar made his way to the door and held it open for her. Iris walked over and stopped in the doorjamb.

“I just want what’s best for you.”

He gave her a small smile. “Funny. I was thinking the same thing.”  
  


***

“Where the hell have you been?” Eva hissed.

Iris refrained from rolling her eyes. “I’ve been here mostly.”

Eva’s eyes flashed with anger. “No, you’ve been with _him.”_

She said the word like it was a curse, as if it singed her tongue on the way out.

“We were…”

Iris pictured Savitar hovering above her, skin flushed and blotchy from the exertion as he hungrily panted her name over and over.

“…exploring.”

Eva sighed, twirling on her heel as she headed towards the door. She stopped short.

“I wouldn’t fly too closely to his sun.”

Iris’s brows pulled together. Her voice was dripping with malice and to Iris’s surprise, jealousy.

“I don’t know—

Eva waved her hand, cutting her off. “The prismatic refractor needs a few components from the other lab. The list is on the desk. Retrieve them and be quick about it. You’ve wasted enough time as it is.”

“But I thought it was done,” Iris replied.

Eva’s expression soured but she remained silent, strutting from the room without further explanation. Iris bit back a slew of curses. This was the last time she would act as Eva’s lackey. The moment she figured out how to get Savitar across the mirror safely, she would never return. Eva be damned.

Iris headed for the office, where Savitar was sitting at Eva’s desk, clutching his forehead.

“Are you alright?” She asked.

He nodded slightly. “I was looking at the monitor and…. It’ll pass. What’s up.”

She cleared her throat. “I have to run an errand for Eva across town. I should be back soon.”

“Do you want me to come?”

“No!”

She walked over and pressed a kiss to his temple. “Stay here. Rest. I’ll be back in a flash.”

He grunted in reply and Iris left him.

***

Iris’s disorientation was particularly rough after this trip. She sat in the warehouse, head between her knees with her eyes clenched. She felt the need to throw up, but it wasn’t possible, since she hadn’t eaten anything since…well, ever.

Her nausea dissipated after about an hour and Iris pulled herself up from the cold concrete floor.

11:57, July 3rd, 2017.

She gritted her teeth as she peered through the cracks of one of the boarded-up windows. The sun glared from directly above. She had two choices, wait out daylight in the warehouse or brave the outside and hope that no one spots her.

Iris’s mind wandered to Savitar, stuck in Eva’s office, toughing out his migraine. The longer she spent out here, the longer he had to suffer in there.

With a sigh, she pulled out Eva’s list. She brushed her hair out of her eyes and focused on the words.

  * Volumetric flask
  * Mercury metal
  * Ammonium nitrate
  * Hydrogen chloride
  * Iron sulfide



That couldn’t be right. Iris knew that Eva had all of these chemical compounds in her lab. She knew the volumetric flask was easy enough for Eva to find in the mirror-verse so there was no need to send her here.

She folded up the paper and slipped it into her back pocket. It didn’t make sense, but Eva would throw a fit if she came back empty handed. Iris knew the power Eva lorded over her and she didn’t want to test it.

But since she had time, Iris figured she could run to STAR labs and see if she could get so more information about Savitar. It meant breaking the rules and destroying whatever relationship remained between the two women but for love, Iris was willing to suffer the consequences.

***

The first stop was at the apartment. Iris popped her head into the empty living room. Her counterpart had already left, heading to CCPN. She caught a glimpse of her outfit and scurried upstairs. Iris stood before the full-length mirror in the closet and pressed her hand against the cool surface. The image changed to reflect the clone closet in the mirror verse. Iris stepped through. 

She rummaged through her clothes, finding the same army green, button-up dress. Iris slipped her feet into their favorite pair of leather booties and then quickly went to her jewellery box. Inside was the replica wedding band Barry had gotten her counterpart for Christmas. Iris pulled it out and clasped on the dainty necklace.

The only thing left was her hair. Iris hated the way her counterpart parted her hair, to the left. Iris had spent far too long staring at her reflection to know that the best side to part her hair would have been to the right.

She combed out her waves, tucking the strands behind her left ear and tutted in irritation. She had better start getting used to acting like her counterpart if they planned on living on this side of the universe.

Once finished, Iris crossed back into her counterpart’s closet.

Iris checked to make sure her counterpart was safely tucked away at CCPN and then crossed into the mirror. She popped out at the back of Star Labs and headed inside. Iris walked to the lounge and found H.R making coffee in the kitchenette.

“Hello H.R,” she chirped.

H.R, turned to face her, his face warmed as he smiled brightly. “Oh, Iris! Sumptuous day, is it not?”

Iris plastered on a big smile and nodded as she casually leaned against the countertop, weaving her trembling fingers together.

“Absolutely.”

He nodded just as an appliance dinged behind them. H.R twirled on his heel.

“That’s my cappuccino, say, would you like a cup?”

“Umm…yes?”

He clapped his hands. “I remember how you like it. Triple espresso and extra foam.”

Iris’s eyes nodded. Though she’d never tried it, Iris’s mouth began to salivate.

H.R busied himself making the drink as Iris took in a breath. Here it goes:

“H.R I was wondering; do you know anything in general about Savitar?”

H.R pulled the metal pitcher from the machine, halting its whirring. He turned. “Savitar?”

She gulped. “Yeah, I mean I was thinking we should talk about it…more. Share ideas and whatnot.”

He placed down the pitcher and crossed his arms, bunching his lips to a side.

“Tell me, did Francisco put you up to this?”

Iris’s eyes widened. “No! No, um this is all me. Cisco has nothing to do with this—I was just curious. Truly.”

His arms dropped and his smile returned. “Okay, I do quite enjoy conversing and you and I haven’t had many opportunities to do so. Are you sure that’s the topic you’d like to discuss?”  
Iris nodded. H.R picked up the pitcher and the whirring resumed.

“All right, well Savitar. The great mystery, am I right?” He chuckled, spreading a hand in an arc.

He had no idea, she thought to herself. “Yes. Exactly, a mystery I’m trying to solve so what can you tell me about him.”

He poured the frothy milk into the steaming cup and placed it before Iris. “I’m afraid I don’t know much more than you. Savitar is a time remnant that Barry created in order to defeat Zoom. He pretends to be a god but he’s just a man with a severe god complex and a tendency to commit murder. Oh, and the philosopher’s stone is what makes him so powerful although I did attempt to get B.A to run into the speed force to find it but he said it’s too big and he doesn’t know where to look. Now I’m not sure about his attitude but I think that was downright pessimistic. He could have at least—”

Iris tittered. “H.R, the philosopher’s stone is what gives Savitar his powers right? Makes him super fast and strong.”

H.R nodded and took a hearty glug of his cappuccino. “Among other things. He’s got superhuman agility and superhuman stamina. Electrokinesis and he possesses people, right? Wally, Julian. Not to mention, teleportation. That’s pretty cool! Imagine being able to be here at STAR labs in one breath and then at Jitters in the next. It truly frees up so much time that we as humans spend travelling. We wouldn’t require cars or public transportation. We wouldn’t need planes to go on vacation. Say, have you and B.A chosen a honeymoon destination? Because my earth has some really nice beaches, no coffee because of blight but, our oceans are so clear, you can see the trenches in the deep blue.”

Iris’s mind whirled with all of acquired the information. She leaned back in attempt to process everything.

“I gotta tell you Iris, you don’t have to be nervous. I get the feeling you’re worried about the future but I can assure you, you needn’t be. Tracey is working on the bazooka and you’ve got the greatest speedster alive on your team. The prospect of Savitar can be daunting but we’re all here for you. As for Caitlin, I know she’s going through some rough times, but she’ll come around, you’ll see.”

“Caitlin is killer frost but she’s still Caitlin, or at least a part of her is right?” So, maybe she might be of some help.”

“Francisco and Julian tried to talk to her but she’s a stubborn one. Perhaps you can get to her.”

Iris smiled. “Perhaps I can. Thank you so much H.R for this. I’m glad we could chat.”

H.R nodded. “Maybe we can do it again sometime soon. I’ll choose the topic.”

Iris straightened and gave him a wave before turning around.

“Wait Iris, your coffee.”

Iris twirled on her toes. “Right, yeah!”

She picked up the mug in both hands. “Thanks, and H.R? Can you not bring this up to Barry? He beats himself up whenever Savitar is brought up and I don’t want to make him feel any worse.”

He nodded, giving Iris a captain salute. “You got it.”

Iris grinned. “Perfect! See you later.”

“Until next communion.”

Iris released a nervous laugh and scurried out of the lounge. She stopped short as a blur of red and yellow lightening flashed before her. The mug slipped from her fingers as her body tensed. She could feel the tingles in her fingers as they prepared to morph into weapons.

“Iris?”

Her palpitating heart lodged itself into her throat as she squeezed her eyes shut. There was no going back now and no fixing this.

“Are you okay?”

Iris slowly turned. Barry stood before her, wearing a look of worry and holding her cup of coffee. Not a single drop escaped the mug even as it fell from her grasp.

“Yes,” she breathed, unable to speak around the lump in her throat.

“I thought you were going to be at CCPN until 5:00.”

Iris couldn’t believe that she was standing in front of him, no mirror between them. He could see her. For the first time, he could see _her_. 

Her forearm felt itchy and she began to scratch at it. The urge to cry "stop it" was overwhelming. Iris pulled her lip between her teeth and dropped her gaze.

“I…," she took in a deep breath and dropped her hand. She returned her gaze to Barry, soaking in his kind expression. "...Needed to grab something super quickly and then I ran into H.R and he made me coffee. I’m going back though.”

Barry looked better than the last time she’d seen him, less lifeless. Some of the colour had returned to his cheeks and his eyes, held embers of the light she was used to seeing. “Is something wrong Iris?”

She shook her head vehemently. “No, not at all. I’m a little scatterbrained is all.”

His head tilted to a side. “It’s just, you’re looking at me like it’s the first time we’ve seen each other in months.”

She chuckled at the seriousness of his tone. “I’m just appreciating you and the time we have together.”

Barry placed a hand on her upper arm, rubbing his thumb absentmindedly against her sleeve. “Iris, you don’t have to think like that. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

“I know,” she nodded. “I’m just being realistic. And I want to enjoy every second with you no matter what happens in the future.” 

“Okay,” he smiled and placed a peck on her cheek. “Do you want me to take you back to CCPN?”

She waved a dismissive hand. “That’s alright.”

Barry’s eyes narrowed. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Iris laughed. She lifted a hand and placed it on his chest. His racing heartbeat thumped under her palm. She’d die a million deaths to experience even a single life with him.

“I’m okay now,” she lifted her gaze to meet his.

His face softened and he brushed his fingers along Iris’s cheek. She practically came undone in the few seconds of contact.

“How’s your thigh?”

Iris tried to keep her expression impassive as she tried to make sense of the question.

“It’s fine.”

His hand dropped to her waist as he lowered his voice. “I should have been more careful.”

Iris shrugged. “It…was a mistake.”

“I promise to be more gentle, I just got caught up and…it won’t happen again.”

“Don’t worry about it Bear, things happen. Anyway, I’m going to go. I’ll see you later.”

He scanned her face as if he was trying to read a book in gibberish.

“Okay.”

Iris got a few steps before Barry cleared his throat.

“Iris West, I have known you for a decade and a half and you have never, not once, walked away from a fresh cup of cappuccino.”

Iris stilled as the most vulgar curses she could concoct slipped silently from her lips. She turned on her heel.

“I guess I’ve got one too many things on my mind, but you're right,” she replied, walking back to him. “I never turn down fresh cappuccino.”

She took the mug from his hand.

“Are you forgetting anything else?”

Her eyes narrowed. “I don’t think so?”

His head tilted down towards her, closing the distance between them. “Not even…a goodbye kiss? Now I know something’s up.”

She almost dropped the mug again. “No, nothing’s up! Other than you keeping me up all night and then making me forget things so I blame you.”

He chuckled. “I’ll take that one even though I didn’t initiate last night”

Barry’s lips slanted over hers and she held her breath. There was an abundance of warmth in his kiss, like being wrapped up in a fluffy blanket but the heat that she’d become accustomed to with Savitar was missing. She pulled away and gave him a smile.

“I’ll see you later.”

She walked away as quickly as she could without spilling her coffee. Once outside, she threw the coffee into a bush and sighed. All of that time she spent dreaming about a guy she was so certain was her soulmate, her other half, only to find out that _he_ wasn’t her perfect fit. He wasn’t the version of the man she was supposed to be with. And the revelation brought Iris nothing but comfort, knowing that she’d finally found her true match.

***

Iris arrived at the warehouse at 2:10. She traversed the window inside and took in her surroundings. It was the same one she’d seen in the mirror so at least she had gotten the location correct. Tentatively, she made her way further inside. Dusty crates and untouched boxes were scattered around the large room. Why Killer Frost would make this her hideout was beyond Iris.

“I know you’re not the smartest member of team flash but coming here is dumb, even for you.”

Killer Frost revealed herself, stepping out of the shadows. Her silver eyes gleamed with malice as her blue lips contorted into a twisted sneer.

“I wanted to talk,” Iris replied.

She scoffed. “Now what the hell would you and I have to talk about? Hmm? Science? Boys? Your mortality?”

“The first one actually. I think we can help each other.”

Killer Frost leaned against a wide beam and crossed her arms. “You’ve always been ballsy, Caity liked that about you. I on the other hand could care less. So, unless you give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you where you stand, it looks like we have nothing else to talk about.”

Iris rolled her eyes. “You couldn’t kill me if you tried so keep your empty threats to yourself.”

She raised a dark eyebrow. “I don’t think you understand who you’re dealing with.”

“A child acting out and throwing a tantrum because they’re not getting what they want? Or do you just come here to brood in this warehouse for fun?”

An icicle grew in her palm.

“Unfortunately for you, I’m short on patience.”  
Iris lifted her chin. “Unfortunately for you, so am I.”

Iris waited for her to make the first move. Killer Frost, threw the icy dagger at her with speed and precision. Iris had but a mere few seconds to duck out of the way. She rolled on the ground, coming to a stop on her knees. She lifted her hand. The window behind her shattered and shards of glass zoomed towards Killer Frost. The action took her by surprise, rendering her immobile but not long enough to get stabbed. At the last moment, she skidded behind a crate.

“What the fuck?”

“There are a few things you don’t know about me. Come out here and let me show you.”

Killer Frost stepped out from behind the crates, her gaze weary. Two icicles sat in her tight grasp.

“Who are you?”

She shook her head and laughed. “And you had the gall to call _me_ dumb. I’m Iris, silly.”

“Iris isn’t a metahuman,” she replied.

“Neither am I.”

“But you can control…glass?”

“Something like that.”

“You’ve got the same powers as Mirror Master.”

Iris shrugged. “Perhaps. Now are we going to talk business, or should I make you bleed a little first?”

“What do you want from me?”

“Savitar. I need to know how I can bring him back.”

Her eyes widened. “Back from where?”

“He’s in a place outside this dimension. He’s stuck in there.”  
Iris pointed toward a shattered mirror that hung on the far side of the warehouse. Killer Frost trailed her finger and then shook her head.

“Like when Barry got stuck in the mirror?”

“What did you do to get him out?”

“I froze the glass below absolute zero and Barry phased through.”

“Okay,” Iris nodded. “So, if it worked once, it can work again.”  
“Theoretically, yes but Savitar should remember that. I’m sure he’s already tried it.”

“His memories haven’t returned.”

Killer Frost’s nose wrinkled. “That doesn’t make sense. If Barry’s memories are restored, so should his.”

“The dimensional wall may be preventing it but when we get him here, they should come back.”

She nodded. “Hopefully.”

“So, you’ll cool down the glass?”

Killer Frost nodded. “I can do it now.”

Iris shook her head. “I have to talk to him first. But, I will give you the signal when.”  
She threw her hair over her should and walked towards the window. 

“What’s the signal?” Killer Frost asked.

“You’ll know it,” Iris replied.

She jumped into the window, eager to get back to him.

***

Iris was sure to check the lab for Eva before stepping out of the portal. She pulled out her list. In a matter of minutes, she collected everything Eva needed. She placed everything on the centre workstation along with the list.

Iris left the lab and walked towards the office. She hoped that Savitar had stayed there as she had asked him to. She was giddy with excitement. They were so close to their escape; she could practically feel it. Freedom was finally within their grasp.

Iris opened the door to the office and came to an abrupt halt. Eva stood next to Savitar, the two of them standing in front of the mirror. The surface shimmied and then stilled, returning to its reflective state. 

Eva turned, a sly smile creeping onto her lips. The look she gave Iris was sinister and dark, undoubtedly villainous. It caused Iris's palms to tingle and her breathing to still. Something was wrong. 

Savitar turned, facing her. His mismatched eyes met hers and the expression on his face slammed into her gut with enough force to knock her a few steps back. He unrecognizable, he was no longer her familiar stranger. He was simply, a stranger. 

Eva lifted her hand and placed into on Savitar's shoulder. Her head lolled to a side and she smirked. 

“You’ve got some explaining to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been less active than usual but that's only because I've been under the weather. I'm feeling better now, so uploads will be a bit more consistent :) Thanks for reading!


	12. Love's a Losing Game

* * *

Savitar had no recollection of experiencing this type of pain. Every neuron felt like they were spontaneously combusting in conjunction to the rubber band slapping at his frontal lobe. It was a particular kind of suffering that was reserved for the very worst of humanity, the bottom feeders that deserved nothing but the most agonizing of torture. And Savitar was willing to endure it, to ride out the waves of cruelty for her.

For his Iris.

He groaned, lifting his head from the cold hardwood floor. He wasn’t sure when or how he ended up splayed out on the ground but getting up was proving to be a difficult task. It took him several minutes to rise onto his feet and he stumbled into the swivel chair next to the desk.

His head fell into his palms as the hellish waves of agony began to subside. 

“Are you alright?”

Her voice managed to calm the raging storm in his head. He felt her presence before he saw her. Her hands slithered against his thighs. Her touch provided relief if only for a moment.

She cleared her throat. “I have to run an errand for Eva across town. I should be back soon.”

He didn’t want her to go. He didn’t want to be left alone.

“Do you want me to come?”

“No! Stay here. Rest. I’ll be back in a flash.”

He leaned against her lips as they touched his temple. With Iris by his side, there was no pain.

But then she was gone.

Savitar rose to his feet, opening his eyes.

The office was blurry and Savitar had to blink a couple of times before his vision focused.

“You don’t get used to them.”

Savitar jumped out of his skin. To his left, leaning against the wall was Eva. Her small arms crossed over her chest.

“They hurt no matter how long you’re here. Though, the duration will reduce so at least the pain’s fleeting. But no, those headaches don’t go away. And no, you don’t get used to them.”

Eva’s tone was too cold to be comforting and came off disingenuous. She wasn’t here to offer help, she merely wanted to make him feel worse.

“Do you think they miss you?” She asked.

He shook his head slightly. “Who?”

She motioned to the mirror.

He took a moment to ponder her question. Was there anyone on that side of the glass that would miss him? That cared enough to look for him? 

“I don’t know.”

She brushed her chestnut hair over her shoulder. “Do you want to hear a joke?”

Savitar’s eyes narrowed in confusion. He’d forgotten how bewildering it was to converse with a person who had a sanity deficiency. 

“Sure?”

“When the particle accelerator exploded and launched me into this dimension, I thought that the people I loved would rally together to find a way to get me out of here. My friends, my family, my colleagues, my husband. And you know what, they did at the beginning. For a few weeks, they tried to look for me, to figure out what the hell happened. But one by one, they stopped caring. I was no longer worth the effort. My husband, he stopped trying exactly 31 days after my disappearance. He started telling people I was dead. And in here, I might as well be.”

Savitar wasn’t sure what to make of that. Clearly, Eva was in dire need of companionship, but he was certain that he wasn’t the best person to fit that role. And the person who was, was currently on the other side of town. 

“I don’t know how long you’ve been in here but jokes usually have punch lines,” Savitar grimaced.

She smiled. “You don’t get it? I’m the punch line. My husband got up in front of the whole world and made a laughingstock out of me.”

Savitar scratched the back of his neck. “Well, that’s not very funny.”

Eva shrugged and got to her feet. “Humor’s subjective.”

“Okay then…so I’m going to go find Iris. She might need help.”

Savitar was quick to make his way to the door but apparently, not fast enough.

“Iris?” She twirled on her heel and clapped her hands together.

He stopped, his hand on the doorknob. “What?”

“Iris isn’t here. What did she tell you?”

He didn’t like her taunting tone but chose not to comment on it. “That she had to run an errand for you on the other side of town.”

Eva nodded and shrugged. “That’s true. Partially.”

Savitar released a breath through clenched teeth. He was no longer interested in entertaining her.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he replied coolly.

“I mean,” Eva said as she pulled an invisible lint from her unwrinkled blouse, “she lied to you.”

Savitar lifted his hand from the knob and ran it through his hair as he chuckled. “Did she? About what?”

“You don’t sound like you believe me?” She replied, pouting.

“Because I don’t. Iris wouldn’t lie to me. She has no reason to.”

Eva barked out a laugh. “I admire your naïveté. It’s cute. Stupid, but adorable.”

“Okay, fine. What did she lie to me about?”

“You know what?” She snapped her fingers. “I don’t think you’ll believe anything I say regardless so, why don’t I show you?”

Her heels clacked loudly against the floor as she made her way to the mirror behind the desk. She beckoned him over with a wave.

“C’mon, I don’t bite.”

Begrudgingly, Savitar ambled towards her. He stood facing the mirror, leaving about two meters of space between them.

“Now, you can’t shoot the messenger no matter what you see.”

The way she was building this up made Savitar wonder if Iris was hiding something—something big.

“Fine.”

She turned to the mirror. “Let’s take a look.”

Eva waved her hand and the surface rippled. An image of Iris appeared.

His heart leapt at the sight of her. She was standing next to a man in a short black top hat and had a pair of drumsticks sticking out of his back pocket. He was standing next to a coffee machine as he spoke.

“Savitar?” he questioned.

Iris, who was no longer wearing the outfit she’d put on this morning, nodded. She looked uneasy as she swept her hair behind her ear.

“Yeah, I mean I was thinking we should talk about it…more. Share ideas and whatnot.”

The man looked at her for a moment, making a funny face.

“Tell me, did Francisco put you up to this?”

“No,” she replied quickly, her eyes as wide as saucers.

He turned to Eva. “Is there something that I’m missing? This is what you sent her out to do.”

Eva shook her head. “No, I didn’t send her out to talk to this fool and yet, here she is. She’s always disobeying me. I give her an inch; she takes a mile.”

Savitar thought back to what Iris had said about Eva berating her. The words she’dhurled at Iris in attempt to break her spirit. It made his blood boil.

“Iris doesn’t owe you anything,” he told her, trying his best to keep his tone level.

“That’s where you’re wrong, imposter. Iris wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for me.”

“So what? Because you created her or brought her here, she’s forced to endure your abuse?”

“Abuse?” She laughed starkly.

“Yeah, don’t deny it. Iris told me all about it.”

“Did she?” she hummed, looking towards the mirror. Iris was walking away from the man and out into the hall.

“Did she tell you that she would stand here for hours, watching the mirror and crying like a pathetic child over people she’s never even met? Hours, wasted. Precious time lost all because she fell in love with a life that was never hers to have. Imagine how _frustrating_ it’s been having to deal with a whiny, impotent brat that won’t shut the—

“That’s enough!” Savitar bellowed.

Savitar pressed his chin into the crook of his hand. He’d heard enough.

Eva had her feelings, there wasn’t anything Savitar could do to change her mind. But he wouldn’t hear another word of her apoplectic rant. He certainly didn’t want to be subjected to any more of her misplaced judgement. Iris was placed in a position that was unfathomable to anyone who hadn’t experience it themselves. Eva should have been more understanding instead of chastising her like a child.

It was then that it clicked in his mind. That was why Iris called her mother.

Not because Eva had created her but because she’d reduced Iris to nothing more than her insolent child.

“You think you’re so smart don’t you Eva? You get up on your soapbox and preach about wasted time. What exactly have you been doing these past two years? Because last I checked, you were a respectable, revered member of the scientific community. You had potential. And then you got lazy. Relying on Iris to do your bidding, while you sit on your ass stewing about your husband.”

Eva shook her head. “That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it? You used to be brilliant and now all you can do is order Iris around and bitch about the past. You’re a joke, not because of your husband, but because you don’t see the irony in yourself. You talk about wasted time, Eva look in the fucking mirror!” 

She began to itch her arm, her nails digging furiously into her flesh.

“Stop it!” She cried.

“It’s no wonder your husband stopped looking for you. He knew there was nothing worth finding.”

“STOP IT!”

Eva pounded her fist against the glass, causing it to crack. Over and over, she rammed her hand against the surface. Savitar was sure the glass wouldn't be able to withstand her abuse much longer and took a few steps back. Despite the spidery fractures in the glass, obscuring his view, Savitar’s attention turned to the image of Iris talking to Barry.

He leaned down and placed a kiss on her cheek. And when he pulled away, the expression on her face caused his stomach to drop to the floor.

“EVA!” He roared.

She paused, pressing her mouth shut as she turned to look at him. He refused to pull his eyes away from the mirror.

“Do you want me to take you back to CCPN?” Barry asked her.

Iris shook her head. “That’s alright.”

The way they watched each other twisted his intestines into a gnarled knot. It was only this morning that she was looking at him in that way.

“That can’t be…” he murmured to himself. His Iris didn't love Barry. His Iris loved _him_. 

Eva waved her hand and the cracks in the glass disappeared. The image cleared up which only served to intensify his affliction.

“It’s got to hurt,” Eva sneered. “Knowing you’re interchangeable to her.”

“Shut up,” he muttered as he stepped towards the mirror.

He reached out and placed his hand on the glass, touching the cheek Barry had kissed.

“I should have been more careful,” Barry said to her in a hushed tone.

Iris shrugged flippantly. “It…was a mistake.”  
The words were out of context, but he wasn’t naive enough to not know what they were talking about.

“I promise to be more gentle, I just got caught up and…it won’t happen again.”

Savitar was surprised that he didn’t feel a rush of rage at Barry’s words. Instead, what sprouted in his chest and threatened to consume his entirety was a potent dose of envy. It curled his fingers into fists and reddened his skin. To Savitar, it was worse than being angry because envy ached. An emotional ache that grew harder to disregard with every passing second.

“It looks like I’m not the only fool in this room.”

For a split second, Savitar contemplated killing her. He’d do it quickly and then shove her body in some dark hole where Iris would never find it. He could try to explain her absence away somehow, but he knew Iris wouldn’t buy it.

Barry’s lighthearted chuckle pulled Savitar from his thoughts. They were closer now, standing less than an inch apart. Her body was pressed into his, his fingers resting on her waist. A noise tore from his throat, something dark and inhuman.

“I’ll take that one even though I didn’t initiate last night.”

And then they were kissing. And it was like the oxygen had been punched from his lungs. As if Barry himself was squeezing his ribcage, compressing his organs into nothingness.

Iris pulled away. It was over. There was an exchange of words that Savitar couldn’t hear over his pounding pulse.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.”

He would have snorted if he could. Eva wanted him to see them, it was plainly evident in her giddy tone.

“But it’s like I said. Iris isn’t who you thought her to be.”

Savitar dropped his head. “I suppose you’re right.”

Eva hmphed in satisfaction. She’d accomplished her mission.

“She’ll be here soon. Why don’t you and I wait for her?”

He nodded wordlessly. He needed to face her.

It wasn’t long, perhaps ten minutes, perhaps a bit more. But when the click of the door cut through the heavy silence, Savitar steeled himself for what was to come. Eva turned towards her, practically pink with anticipation. He, on the other hand, took his time turning to face her after a few tense moments.

His bruised heart yearned for her, even after what he’d witnessed. The saying—if he remembered correctly, was that love is blind. Whoever came up with that idiom was wrong. A more apt description of love would have been; love is _stupid_. Or better yet, love is a sadistic, cruel son of a bitch.

Eva placed her hand on Savitar’s shoulder, and it took everything inside of him not to shrug her off.

“You’ve got some explaining to do,” she said.

Iris released a breath as her eyes ping ponged between the two of them.

“What’s going on here?”

“You tell me, Iris dear. I sent you out to collect a few items for me and instead you wasted your time playing tongue hockey with Barry Allen. Care to explain why?”

The loss of color in her face was almost comical. She raised her hands and cupped the side of her forehead.

When she lifted her eyes to meet his, they were full of fresh tears.

“I-I can explain,” she stated, her voice hoarse.

“I’m sure you can,” Savitar replied flatly. “I’m not sure I care to hear it though.”

Iris shook her head. “It’s not what it looks like, I swear to you. If you could just…give me a moment to—”

“To come up with more lies?” Eva interrupted. “I think you’ve done enough of that, yeah?”

Savitar had enough. He couldn’t bear to stand there any longer.

He ran to Iris, moving too quickly for Eva’s eyes to follow. He stopped just long enough to mouth a single word to her. He waited to see the comprehension in her eyes and then sped from the room.

***

An eternity passed before Iris finally showed up. Savitar stood up from their bed.

“Did she follow you?” He asked.

She shook her head and motioned to the bathroom.

Together they filed inside. Iris walked over to the shower stall and turned on the water. Hot water spewed from the shower head, steaming up the small space.

“What are you doing?”

Iris didn’t reply. She pulled the hairband off her wrist and gathered her hair into a bun. Then she began to undress.

“Iris?”

She looked over at the vanity. The glass was already beginning to fog. She pointed at him and then towards the shower.

Despite his confusion, Savitar obeyed. He pulled out of his clothes and stepped into the shower stall. He avoided the hot water for fear of third degree burns and pressed himself into the cool quartz wall.

Iris closed the door and took a breath.

“I told Eva I needed some time to think. I knew she wouldn’t check up on me in here so at least we can talk in private.”

Savitar brushed his hair out of his eyes, keeping his gaze on her face. He needed to focus.

“She wasn’t wrong about one thing. You’ve got some explaining to do.”

Iris nodded and stepped forward, under the spray of steaming water. Watching the droplets cascade down her umber skin caused Savitar’s mind to wander. He blinked hard, picturing Mrs. Clause in his mind.

“I’m sorry I lied to you, I know it was wrong but you were so angry when we first met and I thought you’d send me away if you knew. And I know that there's no justification for breaking your trust in me, I realize that now.”

“So, this whole time you’ve been able to cross through the mirror?” He clarified.

She nodded, scratching her elbow nervously. “You can yell at me, I deserve it.”

Savitar straightened, reaching for her shoulders. He ran his fingers over the soft skin of her back. “I don’t want to yell at you. I just want to understand.”

She nodded and motioned towards the bench. Together they sat down.

“Eva can’t cross into the other dimension, so she sends me to collect items for her. She forbade me from ever talking to any of my counterpart’s friends or family, so I only went through to complete her tasks. It was hard being alone, even with Eva next to me. But, then you came along and you changed everything. You gave me hope. You showed me that there was a light at the end of a seemingly endless tunnel. And that somehow, the universe was maybe granting me my very own slice of happiness with you. I only had to figure out how to get you through the mirror. And I think I’ve found a way.”

Savitar ran his fingers along her cheek, unable to keep his hands to himself any longer. “What is it?”

“There’s a woman, a former member of team flash who has powers to freeze things. Not too long ago, Barry also got stuck in a mirror and she froze the glass for Barry to phase through.”

“What’s phasing?”

“It’s when speedsters vibrate their molecules so quickly that they can pass through solid matter.”

Savitar’s eyebrows shot to his hairline. “You’re saying I can go through walls?”

She nodded. “And you’re going to need a crash course if we’re going to get out of here together.”

It was a lot to take in but Savitar didn’t feel overwhelmed. For once he felt excited at the prospect of the future.

“There’s something else I should tell you,” Iris continued, a frown creeping onto her face. “Eva wants me to grab the philosopher’s stone from you. I told her I would do it.” 

He looked at her for a long moment. “Why?”

“She plans on using it somehow, she didn’t give me exact details. But I’m only going to pretend to steal it from you.”

“You’re going to double cross her?”

Iris smirked. “ _We’re_ going to double cross her. And then we’re going to get the hell out of here.”

Savitar liked her enthusiasm but he had his reservations. “How exactly are we going to do this?”  
Iris dived into her plan, mapping out her ideas for him. It was fairly simple in theory but in practice…Savitar wasn’t so sure.

“Eva’s perceptive. You’re going to need to be extra cautious.”

Iris smiled and brushed a wayward strand behind his ear. “I’ve been here a little longer than you have. I know how to handle Eva.”

She climbed to her feet and stretched out her hands.

“You’re sure the philosopher’s stone is in the suit?”

He nodded. “That's where I left it last.”

“Okay,” she said as she stubbed her toe on the floor. Savitar allowed his gaze to travel up her body until his eyes landed on her sweet face. For the hundredth time, he revelled in her beauty. He understood then why men risked their lives for love, even of the doomed variety. A few moments of time with a soulmate was worth enduring any sort of pain. 

“We…should probably get started. You’ll need some time to learn how to phase.”

Savitar pulled to his feet. He drew Iris into his embrace. “And we will…after this.”

He bent down, hovering his lips a hair’s breadth from hers.

“By the way,” he murmured, his voice a hoarse whisper. “There’s only one version of me that you get to kiss.”

He pulled her hair out of its bun and threaded his fingers through her locks, tilting her head towards his. “Is that understood?”

Her lips parted, and a soft whimper escaped. “Yes.”

Satisfied, he pressed his lips to hers. His hands roamed her body, desperate to feel her.

“Say it,” he groaned, his tongue trailing the curve of her ear. “Say you’ll only be mine.”

She ran her hand down his chest and took a hold of him. Her fingers grazed his tip and he inhaled sharply.

“I’m yours.”


	13. And...Checkmate

* * *

Iris grimaced as Savitar’s body bounced back from the wall, hurling him against another and then landing with a loud thump onto the floor. If it weren’t for his speed healing, she would have been worried that this blow would have put him down for the count.

“Are you okay?” She asked as she brought him the ice pack.

He took it with a grateful smile. A small groan escaped as he pressed it to his temple.

“You almost got it that time,” she said encouragingly as she gave his forearm a light squeeze.

“The only thing I almost got is a concussion and a few broken bones,” he retorted.

“Well then it’s a good thing you heal quickly.”

He dropped the ice pack and turned to her, his expression sour. “I don’t think I can do it.”

“Of course you can! Savitar you just have to believe in yourself.”

He snorted as he struggled to his feet. They had been in the time vault for the past hour. Iris tried her best to coach Savitar through phasing but seeing as she’d never experienced the phenomena herself, they were finding it difficult to get on the same page.

“Maybe I need the suit.”

Iris pursed her lips. It was the second time he’d suggested it in the past twenty minutes.

“You don’t need the suit and besides, if you take it and Eva notices, she’ll know something’s up.”

“I can be in and out of there before she has time to blink.”

Iris frowned. “You don’t need it to phase.”

“I just,” he took in a breath. “I feel so much stronger when I’m wearing it.”

“That power you feel, it comes from you. You power that suit, not the other way around. Savitar you are more than capable enough to do this.”

His expression remained unchanging and Iris knew he didn’t believe her. She wished there was some way that she could make him see himself as she saw him. Strong, competent. It would provide him with all the reassurance he needed.

“Come on, let’s try again.”

Savitar nodded and took in a deep breath.

“Picture your body weightless,” said Iris. “Imagine yourself moving so quickly that you become intangible.”

Savitar shook out his limbs and faced the wall. He bounced on the balls of his feet twice and then got into position.

In one moment, Savitar was standing and in the next, he was sprawled out, face up on the floor. He let out a cough as Iris rushed over. She took his face in her hands.

“Where does it hurt?”

His lips parted and out came a garbled groan. “Everywhere.”

She leaned back on her heels in defeat. He was right, this wasn’t working. And they were running out of time. Iris could only disappear for so long before Eva grew suspicious, assuming she hadn’t already.

“Get the suit.”

She handed the ice pack to Savitar and pushed to her feet.

Iris refused to admit it—even to herself, but she was terrified to let Savitar anywhere near the suit. There was a growing part of her that worried that the suit could alter his actions, influencing him to do things that he wouldn’t do otherwise.

Like kill her.

“Iris?”

It took Savitar a little longer to get back up. He was hunched over, nursing his left shoulder as he reached for her.

“What’s going on? What aren’t you telling me?”

She pursed her lips, trepid about revealing her thoughts. She’d concealed the truth once before and wasn’t about to make that mistake twice.

“You said in the dream that you were wearing the suit when you killed Iris. What if it—the suit—made you do it? What if you weren’t in control when you…I just, I’d rather you not wear it.”

His face softened and he released his arm to bring his hand up to her cheek.

“I understand your apprehension, but I’ve worn it before. I didn’t change—it didn’t change me. I’m confident that it’ll be the same this time.”

She nodded. His conviction provided her some relief, but it wasn’t enough to abate all of her anxiety.

“Okay,” she sighed, dropping her gaze.

“Look Iris, I know there probably isn’t anything that I could say that could ease your nerves. I’m worried too. Not about Eva or even getting out of here. I’m worried about you. I’m always scared shitless that I’ll do the wrong thing, say the wrong words and end up losing you. That’s my biggest fear, Iris. Losing you.”

Iris’s fears mirrored his own. For the first time in her short, dismal existence, she had something worth fighting for. Something she wouldn’t risk losing. And putting her faith in the fates and hoping that everything would work out made her stomach twist itself inside out.

He cleared his throat before continuing. “In more ways than one, I truly believe you’re my shot at redemption. There aren’t a lot of things I’m certain about, especially since being here, but I know with every ounce of my being that you make me a man worthy of love. So, you have nothing to worry about because I would barter my life away before I let anything happen to you.”

His kind words took the cement wall born of jealousy and resentment that encased her crystalline heart and lit it ablaze. She could feel the wildfire he’d ignited raging in her chest, fervently spreading through every inch of her body. It was a feeling she’d never experienced firsthand but had seen her counterpart attempt to put into words more than once. No description known to man could aptly express this feeling.

Iris brought her hands up to cradle his nape, twisting her fingers through his dark hair.

“Savitar…”

His name felt like honey on her tongue, sticky sweet and she knew that she’d never tire of saying it.

“It’s just…we’re so close. And I’ve never wanted anything as badly as I want you but what if it doesn’t work out? What if Eva finds out? Or what if you still can’t phase even with the suit? What if there isn’t enough time or she doesn’t get the signal or we—

Savitar placed her thumb against her lips, silencing her prattling.

“Iris, breathe.”

She inhaled deeply as his finger traced the curve of her lip.

“I want you to focus on me. Not Eva or Killer Frost or even the mirror. Me. Can you do that?”

Iris nodded, leaning her forehead against his. He planted a kiss on her skin, easing the worry-lines.

“It’s all going to be okay,” he murmured. “I promise.”

She took him at his word, quietly praying that he was right. It would be nice for once, to get something she so desperately wanted.

“I have to go,” she whispered, pressing her lips to his chin.

“I know,” he replied, unmoving.

They stood there holding each other, providing the other with the courage needed to forge ahead. It was the few minutes of calm before the storm, a few heartbeats of serenity exchanged between lovers. Iris clung onto him as if her very existence depended on it and Savitar didn’t seem to mind her death grip, pulling her in as closely as the bounds of physics would allow.

“I love you,” he told her.

Her lips curved into a smile. “I love you.”

Their lips met and for the umpteenth time, Iris wondered how she managed to go so long without him. It was unfathomable.

With great difficulty, they managed to pull apart. Iris released him, stepping towards the door.

“I’ll see you soon,” she said.

He smirked, his mismatched eyes alit with devotion.

“See you soon.”

***

The main office was eerily quiet. Iris poked her head through the door and looked around. Eva was missing, neither in her lab nor her secondary office space. Iris roamed the empty halls. 

“Hello?”

Her only response was a heavy silence. Iris doubled back to the main office. She walked straight for the mirror, running her index finger along the marble wall next to it. As the pad of her finger grazed the button’s divot, a noise sounded behind her. 

Iris jumped, turning around in one swift motion. She pressed her hand to her chest as she looked at Eva, standing behind the desk. 

“You scared me,” Iris said, her eyes following Eva as she began to pace. 

“That wasn’t my intent,” Eva muttered. 

She walked back in forth in a tight formation, never quite reaching either side of the room. 

They stood in silence, the only sound was Eva’s Mary Jane platforms slapping against the hardwood floor. 

“I want to show you something,” Eva said, stopping abruptly. 

She made her way around the desk, standing next to Iris in front of the mirror. Eva waved her hand and the surfaced rippled, a picture coming into view. 

Her counterpart sat with Barry on their living room floor, a chess board between them. The other Iris stared at the board, her nose wrinkled in confusion. 

“So, you’re saying no matter what I do, I’m going to lose?” 

Barry sat back, crossing his arms over his chest, a glint of mischief in his eyes. 

“You’ve put yourself in this position Iris. It’s your job to get out of it.” 

Iris shook her head. “I can’t. My queen is dead either way.” 

Barry untucked his hand to pick up her queen. 

“You’ve got to play retrospectively as if your future self is moving each chessman. You can’t make a move in the moment without considering the consequences. Everything must be intentional.” 

The other Iris pulled a face and took the queen from his grasp. “Okay Yoda, what do you suggest I do?” 

Barry shook his head. “Nope. Nuh uh, you’ve got to figure that out for yourself.” 

Iris looked over at Eva. “Why are you showing me this?” 

Eva kept her gaze trained on the mirror. “Do you remember when you saw this day?” 

Iris nodded. “Yeah…it was the first time I’d ever seen them. It was the day you told me I wasn’t an original copy. Day four.” 

Eva nodded. “Do you remember what I told you?” 

Iris sifted through her memories. “Um…that it wouldn’t hurt forever.” 

Eva turned towards Iris. “I said that all pain eventually comes to an end. Soon enough, you’ll hardly notice its presence and then one day, it would be gone. As if it was never there to begin with.” 

Iris was used to Eva’s pointless rambling. Her meandering stories helped pass the time but that was before everything changed. 

“Eva I don’t—

“What I’m trying to express is that I’m sorry, Iris. I was so spectacularly unsuccessful in ridding you of your pain. I did this—I forced us into this position. I know that now.” 

Iris was taken aback, not by Eva’s admittance of failure but by her repentance. She couldn’t bring herself to utter a sound as she attempted to process what Eva had said. _I’m sorry?_ Eva never apologized, not when she hurt Iris or forced her to clean up her mess. Not when Eva reprimanded Iris over insignificant, trivial matters. Never. 

What had changed? 

And why now?

“I understand that forgiveness takes time and I don’t expect you to understand but I do want you to know that I won’t make the same mistake twice.” 

Eva drew Iris into her embrace, resting her chin on Iris’s shoulder and patting her back lightly. 

With wide eyes and a gaping mouth, Iris returned the hug. Strange couldn’t even begin to describe this moment. Eva held onto Iris for longer than expected, before finally pulling away. She offered Iris a smile. 

“I’m so glad we had this talk.”

Iris nodded robotically. “Me too.”

“Okay!” Eva smoothed her blouse and ran her fingers through her hair.

“Now, did you get the stone?” 

She knew this was coming but still, her stomach dropped to her feet and her vision grew hazy as if she was about to faint. Iris pressed a hand to the desk. 

“….No.” 

Iris took a breath, bracing herself. She waited for Eva’s face to turn crimson, for her hands to shake with pent-up aggression. 

None of that happened. Eva simply nodded. 

“Why don’t you and I get it together?” 

Iris straightened. “Okay.” 

***

They arrived at the rear end of the warehouse. A field about the length of an Olympic swimming pool stood between Iris and her chance at freedom. 

On their way, Iris purposely visited all of Savitar’s usual spots, taking Eva on a fruitless trip through town before winding up here. 

“You’re sure he’s here?” Eva asked impatiently. 

Iris nodded. “He’d only visited this place once but, we’ve been everywhere else.” 

Eva blew out an irate breath, pushing the hair that had fallen in her face. She gave Iris a single nod. “You know what to do.”

She didn't miss a beat. “I will ensure your success.” 

Satisfied, Eva stepped back. Iris walked further onto the field. 

“SAVITAR?” Iris yelled. 

It was a long moment of quiet before he appeared. To her delight, he was out of the suit, sporting a regular pair of jeans and a dark button-down. As usual, he looked perfect.

“You called?”

He kept his distance, leaving about five yards between them. 

“I wanted to talk,” Iris said. 

Savitar peered over her shoulder at Eva. “You brought an audience?” 

“Don’t mind me.” Eva said with a dismissive wave.

Iris fought the urge to roll her eyes, wishing she had stayed at the office. 

“I think you can help me,” Iris said. 

He regarded her with a dubious expression. “What are you asking Iris?” 

“I need the stone.” 

Savitar’s brows furrowed. “This?”  
He pulled the philosopher’s stone from behind his back and held it out. Iris could feel the ferocity of Eva’s anticipation from where she stood. 

“I’m sorry Iris. I can’t give it to you.” 

Iris shook her head. “But Savitar, I need—

“I said no,” he replied briskly as he replaced the stone. 

His tone caused her to pause, her words faltering in her mouth. “I thought you loved me.”

Savitar trained his gaze on her and shrugged casually. “I love me more.” 

Swift tingles travelled down her arms and in seconds, she sported two deadly weapons. 

“I trusted you,” Iris spat, raising her arms. 

Savitar smirked. “You trusted me? I trusted you! And then you went ahead and hooked up with another man. Do you know what that was like? Hmm, to watch you betray me? Do you have any idea how much that hurt?” 

Iris folded her lips, staring at him with all the resentment she could muster. “I’m taking that stone one way or another.”

He barked out a cruel laugh. “We’ll see about that.” 

They didn’t waste another moment. In the span of a blink, Savitar closed the distance between them, coming to a skidding halt in front of her. In turn, she swiped her arm through the air, aiming for his midsection. But he was faster than she could ever be, moving out of the way with ease. 

“You’re making this too easy,” he taunted. 

Iris threw a glance at Eva who was standing there, arms folded, eyes narrowed. 

She had to do something drastic, something to throw her off. 

Iris turned back to Savitar, keeping her face out of Eva’s line of sight. She winked her left eye. 

His eyes alit with comprehension and he began his wind up, running circles around her. He grabbed her by her hips and tossed her like a football. Iris tumbled through the air before landing in a heap on the ground. The grass did little to cushion the blow. Eva gasped. 

“Iris?” 

She pushed out a cough and pulled to her feet. Savitar’s cheeks were painted red and Iris shook her head ever so slightly. He couldn’t give up on her now. 

“Eva was right,” she chuckled through the pain.“I thought I could use you to fill the void that Barry left but you fall short. You’re the scraps, the leftovers. The parts nobody wants.”

Savitar shook his head. “You can’t hurt me.”

“Really? I told you that you were beautiful. I lied. You’re hideous. And the best part is that I don’t even need to tell you this. Deep down, below that layer of deluded arrogance, you already know how worthless you are.”

“Iris,” there was a level of warning in his tone that cause the blood in her veins to run cold. Iris knew it was going to be difficult, torturous to look him in the face and spout her heinous lies. But Iris never expected her mendacity to hurt quite this much. It took all her strength to push out her next few words. 

“It was fun, I suppose…Playing with your heart, tugging at your strings. You’re so damn gullible. Maybe that’s why you’ll never be even half the man Barry Allen is.” 

Savitar's head jerked as if she’d backhanded him. “Shut up!” 

She glanced quickly at Eva who seemed enraptured by their production. Just a few more lines. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” 

He didn’t reply, staring at her with unbridled hatred. 

“Even if you manage to get out of here, nobody gives a flying fuck about you. Not Barry, not Cisco or Joe or Harrison. And certainly not Iris. Honestly, you’re better off dead.” 

A flash of hurt crossed over Savitar’s face and Iris felt a pang of regret so fierce she almost abandoned her plan. Savitar was quick however, wiping his expression clean almost instantly. 

He gave her no response as he charged forward. On the last second, before slamming directly into her, he dropped onto his knees. Iris saw her opening and took it. Her blade slammed into the left side of his torso. Savitar screeched and curled into a ball on the ground. Iris retracted the blade, holding it up so Eva could see the blood. 

Her arm morphed back and she stained her pant leg with his blood as she wiped her hand clean. Then she reached into his back pocket and pulled out the stone. 

“I’m sorry it had to happen this way,” she told him softly, emphasizing each word. This wasn’t a part of the lie, she’d never intended to hurt him. 

Savitar growled something incoherent before speeding off. 

Eva ran to Iris. She snatched the stone from Iris’s hand. 

“You did well. Come now, we’re celebrating!”

Iris shook her head, keeping her eyes down. She didn't want Eva to see her tears. “I think…I need some time.” 

Eva nodded and cupped Iris’s shoulder. “Of course! I understand. Take as long as you need.”

Iris waited until after Eva was gone to dash to the warehouse. She threw open the door and waded through the dark. 

“Savitar?” She whispered. 

“Here.” 

A florescent light flickered on and Iris spotted him sitting on an old barstool, clutching his ribcage. 

She scurried over, taking him by the shoulders. “How bad is it?”

He chuckled. “Somehow, I know I’ve had worse.”

Iris pressed his face to her chest, leaning her cheek atop his head. She nuzzled his hair, pressing chaste kisses to his scalp.

“I’m so sorry. I just knew she wouldn’t believe us if she didn’t see you bleed.” 

Savitar nodded, his arm coming around to circle her waist.  
“I know Iris. It was a good plan. And I’m fine, honest.” 

She released him just long enough to look at his face. With trembling hands, she ran her fingers along the spidery cracks in his skin. Beautiful. Iris would be forever grateful that she was given the chance to admire the art display that was his face up close. 

“How long do you think before she realizes it's a fake?” Savitar asked. 

The question jolted her back to reality. They didn’t have the time to gaze longingly into each other’s eyes. They had to move, now. 

“Not long. Minutes. Come on!”

She helped him to the mirror. Iris touched the surface and the ripples revealed the abandoned warehouse in the other dimension. She could see Killer Frost pacing around. Iris waved her hand and a window behind them shattered. A shard flew into her grasp and Iris sent it through the mirror. Killer Frost stopped walking as the shard exploded on the other side. She walked up to the mirror and cocked her head in question before raising her hands. The other side became obscured with ice. 

“She’s got the signal. You need to go now.”

Savitar gave her a strange look. “Me? What about you?” 

Iris shook her head. “We still don’t know if you’ll make it through. You have to go first. Hopefully with the stone and your ability to phase, you’ll make it to the other side.” 

Savitar took her by the shoulder. “I’m not leaving you here.” 

“You have to!” 

“No!” 

She blew out a curse. “We don’t have time to argue! You need to go!” 

He took her face in his hands, squeezing her cheeks gently between his fingers. 

“I think you've misunderstood my feelings for you. Let me be clear, I'm NOT going anywhere without you." 

Iris wasn’t sure if her palpitating heart was due to her nerves about Eva or the way he was looking at her as if she was the only thing that ever mattered to him. With her thoughts in a wayward jumble, she could barely form her mouth into the words. 

"We don't have time to talk about this. I need you to go. Please!" 

He began to disagree again but Iris wouldn't have it. 

"If you've ever loved me, you'll do this. You'll go." 

Savitar let out a breath, tilting his head down so the space between their faces amounted to an inch. 

“Iris—

She didn’t give him the chance to say anything more. She kissed him, presenting him with all the love he’d invoked in her in their short time together. She could never do anything to repay what he’s given her but she hoped, at the very least, that he understood her gratitude. 

With her lips still on his, she smiled. “Now go, I’ll meet you on the other side.” 

They pulled apart and she could still see the apprehension in his eyes. She gave him a nod, they didn’t have any more time to waste. 

Savitar climbed into his suit, towering over her. He gave her a final look. 

She closed her eyes, unable to bear watching him leave. She pulled her trembling lips into a smile. 

“Every moment with you has always been nice Savitar. Every moment.” 

Her eyes fluttered open and he was gone. She turned to the mirror, hoping to see if he’d made it through. The ice melted, leaving droplets of water on the glass. But she could see as he laid on the ground, Killer Frost standing over him. He was safe. 

“I have to admit, you two put on a great show.” 

Eva’s voice spilled out from behind her. 

Iris whipped around. Eva didn’t even give her a fighting chance. She held up her hand, squeezing her fingers to her palm. Agony erupted inside her head, drawing her to the floor. The concrete was frigid against her knees and she brought her head down, her jaw clenched shut, attempting to do anything to ease some of the pain.

“You almost had me. I mean, who knew acting was your forte? But alas, acting is simply lying and as you're well aware, I don’t tolerate lying Iris.” 

The pain sharpened and Iris howled. 

“S-St-op-p.” 

Eva tittered as she walked over to Iris. “You foolish girl. A trial gone amiss, that is what you are to me.”

She knelt down next to Iris, who’d grown stiff from the pain. It felt like every movement she made, no matter how minuscule would cause the torture to exacerbate tenfold. 

“…Look…the…changed…He’s the audience.” 

Sounds echoed in and out, like someone kept playing with the mute button. Her head lolled to a side, seconds from exploding. 

“I’m sorry to do this…but you made your move. Let me make mine.” 

Eva brought her mouth down to Iris’s ear. 

“I want you to know, I’m going to try again. I won’t fail you twice.” 

Perhaps, a quiet part of Iris always knew that she was never going to reach the other side of the mirror. Call it a hunch or premonition but Iris came to the understanding that her happiness could never be permanent. _She_ was destined for an impermanent existence. Eva had been right; all pain eventually subsides. Nothing in this universe is meant to span an eternity. But as her vision clouded white, Iris knew that not even the absence of life could erase her love for Savitar. It was an essence all on its own that could transcend dimensions, cross the borders of time and reach any corner of the cosmos. No matter where she went, her love would remain constant.

And in the end, as her world faded away, Iris saw only him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, thanks for reading. This one was a toughie to get through but it was a lot of fun to write. Feel free to let me know what you think! :)


	14. Cause and Effect

* * *

For a few moments, all was quiet. Savitar laid on the ground, his eyes forced shut as he endured the aftershocks of impact. He was sure his whole body had made it through, though he'd lost feeling in some parts of his limbs. His feet had failed him, sending him crashing to the floor with enough force to induce him into a coma had it not been for the headpiece of his suit.

There was nagging insistence in the back of his head shouting for him to get off the floor. It was a task, to stand up in the massive hunk of metal but when Savitar finally managed, he looked around. He stood in an abandoned warehouse, identical to the one he’d just fled. Next to where he laid was a woman; hair white as snow, skin pale as paper. The sight of her caused a jolt of electricity in his brain, so powerful, he stumbled into a nearby industrial shelving unit. He clung to the metal, his mind swirling with fog. Memories swiftly poured into his mind. Every instant of the past few weeks tore through his head, with such vigour that he couldn’t focus on any one of them for more than a second.

Barry Allen, team flash, his ascension, the philosopher’s stone. His identity had returned.

“I remember.”

With difficulty, Savitar straightened. He felt winded, as if he’d been running ceaselessly for ages. He wanted to rest but first he needed to see if Iris had made it.

The mirror he’d been hurled from hung on the wall, a puddle of water beneath it. He peered at his reflection, attempting to piece together what had happened. Iris said she’d come through after he’d made it. So, where was she?

The mirror’s surface rippled and his breath caught. This had to be her!

An image cleared and Eva stood over Iris who was laid out on the floor. Savitar's stomach dislodged itself from his midsection and dropped into the soles of his feet. Almost as if she could sense him, Eva turned to the mirror, wearing a frown.

“Iris look, the roles have changed. It’s your precious love, now he’s the audience.”

Savitar had grown accustomed to the rush of rage that arose at the sight of Iris. Though never intended for her, Savitar was outraged by the fact that she’d never be his.

But now that he had an Iris that _wanted_ him, the only thing he could feel was dread.

“Release her Eva!”

Eva’s gaze flittered to Iris before returning to him. Her frown deepened. 

“You’re not in a position to make demands.”

He should have killed her! He had the opportunity and he wasted it. Blinded by his love for Iris, he’d grown soft, debile. And now, it was biting him in the ass.

“It’s not a demand,” he spoke as if the words were sandpaper grating against his throat. “I’m begging! Free her, take me instead!”

“You had two options, two potential moves you could have made. Freedom or love. Unsurprisingly, you choose the former. But, I suppose that’s in your nature, boy.”

His fury came then. Fiery hot and all consuming. If only he could reach her, he’d wrap his bare fingers around her dainty neck and snap the bones like feeble twigs. 

“Eva!” He pushed through clenched teeth.

She shook her head, kneeling next to Iris. She’d grown still but her head rolled to a side and he could see her face.

His sweet Iris.

The light in her eyes, made of mirth and mischief that once glowed bright,faded. With it, Savitar’s anger. What remained was a hollow husk, an empty soul that belonged to the man he once was. The man he was with her.

“No, no, no. Eva! EVA! P-Please! Don’t do this!”

Eva ignored him, running her hand through Iris's hair. Savitar slammed his armoured fist into the concrete next to the mirror. 

“I’M BEGGING YOU!”

When she spoke, she wasn’t talking to him.

“I’m sorry to do this—after all we’ve been through, you and I. But you made your move. Let me make mine.”

Savitar couldn’t see and it took him several nanoseconds to realize the mirror hadn't grown hazy but rather his tears had stolen his vision. In the suit, he was unable to wipe his eyes but he blinked several times, pushing the salty water down his cheeks.

Eva knelt, whispering something into Iris’s ear. Her face was slack, unchanging.

“N-no-o!" The plea tore straight from his deteriorating heart. "I’m sorry Iris! I’m so sorry!”

She straightened, Eva's empty eyes trained on him. Slowly, her fingers curled into her palm.

Cracks ripped through Iris’s skin, revealing a blinding light from within. There was a loud noise, the sound of glass shattering and then Eva stood alone, a pile of broken glass next to her.She lowered her gaze from his, looking at what used to be his Iris. When she faced him once more, he could see the unshed tears in her eyes. His fist met the wall once more. She had NO RIGHT to feel anything, least of all sadness.

Eva walked towards the mirror, stopping when her face filled the surface.

“You did this, make no mistake. She wasn’t yours to have and then you led her astray. You destroyed her!”

Steeped in his misery, Savitar couldn’t help but wonder if she was right. Before his arrival, Iris was perfectly fine on her own. She had her demons, she fought her silent battles but she was doing perfectly okay. Then he showed up and taught her how love was supposed to feel. He introduced her to a form of happiness no one else could. That had been his mistake. He was the cause of all of this and in the aftermath, as the dust settled, Savitar realized that he'd bargained for more than he could handle. 

A single tear trailed down Eva's cheek and she wiped it away with haste. “Fortunately for me, I can try again. Without you, there won’t be any room for failure.”

As she turned away, the mirror erupted, spraying shards of glass around him. She was gone.

And he was alone.

Savitar had been confident that he was well versed in every brand, every variant of pain. He’d endured loss, loneliness, rejection, versions of agony that would bring even the strongest of men to their knees. He’d spent countless years within an inch of losing his sanity to the endlessness of the speed force. All of that preparation meant nothing now. There existed no precaution that could help him through losing his Iris.

It was all too much to bear. His heart disintegrated to dust under the pressure.

A noise behind him tore Savitar from his grief. He turned just as Killer Frost rose to her feet.

“What happened?” She asked clutching her head.

He didn’t reply. Her eyes swept the room around her, her gaze landing on the disseminated glass at his feet.

“I thought that Ir— 

He sped to her before she had the time to form the second syllable.

“You saw nothing! Figments of your imagination, that's what you perceived!"

His voice sounded deeper, darker. There was an edge to his tone that had Killer Frost immediately stepping back, her eyes wide with a mix of terror and surprise. 

“Okay, I uh…okay?”

Killer Frost wasted no time scurrying from the warehouse. Only when she was gone, did he release himself from the suit.

Savitar approached the mirror frame and crumpled to his knees. His fingers curled around a shard and he brought it up to his face.

Seeing the torment in his expression brought about a new wave of affliction. In that moment Savitar would have sold his life for even a few moments with her. Simply to have her in his arms once more would have been enough.

He pressed the shard to his hollow chest and wept.

It was a long while before Savitar was able to collect the broken pieces of himself. He wiped his skin dry and cleared the misery from his features. Then he abandoned the shard on the ground as he made his way back to the suit. Enough time had been wasted. 

He had a promise to keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas, all stories must come to an end lol.  
> Thanks so much for making it here, it's very much appreciated.  
> Love to know what you think! ;)


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